Okay so I'm not totally out of the closet. I don't think I'll ever will be. I have been comfortable in my little "prudent" corner (see Across the Universe and you'll know what I mean :).

ANyway today at work I was simply just being myself. Guard and defenses down. I had no idea a certain person would be working-a person that is the center of my flutterings in my stomachs-knowhing that I shouldn't feel this way...There are many reasons why. It's like having a teacher's crush in a way but on so many complicated levels...We don't really connect and at times I feel she might be judgemental or even "afraid" of me if that's even the appropriate term to assign this situation. Perhaps it is that uncertainty that is alluring?...

But to be able to not be totally bothered by her presence to be just who I am, humorous, witty, whatever, I felt the risk of drawing her closer yet felt the need to be discplined for reasons of my integrity. Please don't say life is free and open. Doing what you want can also hurt others, and if I did what I want, I'd be hurting others emotionally....

Okay, well, whatever. this is getting convoluted. But I just thought I'd say or even ask, are there environments and/or people you wish you could get to know better or even share a deeper relationship but know you have to hold back for the interest of both parties?...

Sigh...

I've said my peace :)

have a nice day