OMG! The ups & downs (rapid cycling, not sure). Want to believe in me. For so many yrs was balanced on meds. Paid my mortgage. Lived just below middle class, raising two children alone yet somehow keeping it together. All I've worked & struggled for all these years is suddenly hanging by a string. My drive is gone! I feel lost. Scared to work where punctuality is demanded. Waking up is a nightmare. In sales now. Not putting enough effort into as I've been incapable of organizing my time. Haven't made a penny. Don't want to be locked in a bldg making someone else rich yet can't seem to get it together to work for me. I've always been a hard worker. In my heart & head I understand; the disorders, new Pdoc, new meds, new me ... but then my son, 21, talked to me last nite, seeping w/no respect for me not working. Tho in my heart I KNOW he doesn't get this disorder & he's only 21...all of the old tapes, "I'm worthless" come soaring back.
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I had ortho appt 1pm... then since close to friend I was caregiver for Russ I stopped in his house. He lit up when I walked in I can tell he is feeling lonely. We talked while then his home health nurse visitor came to I think change catheter. I left.went to mall and long walking to get where I was going because didnt know where it was inside then had to pass by to use RR before returning to Bath...