I have tried to establish how I got to this point.

My heart is troubled yes. I know I am to love my wife but I have felt betrayed. I need a wife that will lift me up instead I find one that is tearing me down approx 80% of the time.

The noise around me is deafening. I can barely hear the thoughts swimming around in my head. I see the stress that she faces but I dont know where to start, as I fear I may get my head bitten off if I try to help.

How can I build her up, as she too is weak? Her life has been wearied by the struggles she faces too.

I ran to the closest source of comfort my best friend who unnf is a woman. I used her for something she could not provide, as she is a good wife who loves her husband dearly. I used her for a source of strength and for the encouragement that she so freely gave. (Emotional support is what I wanted) This demanded more time and energy on her part. She needed that time for her hubby. Only when it was too late did I realize what I had done. I had driven away my friend and forced an even further rift with my wife. My friend's hubby described the relationship as unhealthy. I describe it as a man in desperate need of acceptance running to the only source he knew. Sure it was wrong but it was needed for me to stay sane. How would you cope with a wife that wants nothing to do with you and a mother that wanted to commit suicide? Desperate times call for disparate measures so the saying goes.

Where to from now? That remains a question left unanswered. Through counseling maybe I can find the answer. Maybe by Gods grace my friendship can be restored to. That remains to be seen.

Your words of advice would be much appreciated