I know that feeling. It's a bitch. I do the same thing from time to time. It makes for lots of hospitalizations.

I know this is depression talking...not u. It's so hard for us, all of us, to deal with this day to day shit, and I know the desire and even the benefits of isolation. Don't do it to your detriment,sick. U have friends who care about u, really CARE about u, and dont wanna see u hurt. I know u are not on meds right now, but maybe give some a try...and as far as helping others, it's a nice thought. But, in the end, we have to look out for ourselves 1st. Take care of you babe- u are so worth it. Much love- xx

A bit tipsy right now, but will try to be coherent....

I've done that route... and there ends up being so much accumulation of regret. If there's anything you can do to hang on... and not fuck it up for yourself... pls. try to hang on. You deserve to care for yourself.

And thanks for saying how you feel, which i don't usually do myself.

You feel like shit for no apparent reason? Welcome to Bipolar World & Pharmeceutical Emporium!
We all get that sickof. It's just a matter of riding it out or getting meds adjusted.
You want to fuck up your life again? Why? To prove to yourself you're not worth it, or can't handle it? It might be a self fulfilling prophecy. If you hate yourself you'll do anything to prove yourself right, like screwing up on purpose.
You do help a lot of people; you prob. don't realize your worth here. Stop and think about it. You're a necessary part of D.S. When you start to believe it you'll start to feel it too.

I get confused if people drink as they type or if they are alcoholics ( EX) or whatever.
I just hope yr ok.


You are saying how you feel.
Betcha felt worse too.
All the best of strength.
It sucks and sucks.
It's like endless pus from yr head seeping out.

Sick I think you have hit the self destruct button. we all do that. You have to keep something for yourself...

sickof... I am right there with you man!!! I have done that(disappear) several times. I think the most dramatic was during the OJ trial. I swear I never left the couch for the entire time!! Basically quit life!! I can look back at those times now and understand why they occured. I am bipolar and I have to get use to it. The world is fucked up, your born you have a family and everyone dies!! How shitty is that??? That is why I get fucked up to oblivion sometimes. Not good for my body but it helps me relax(staying fucked) up. I am sober alot (mostly work) but I need to blind myself so the unfortunate things that happen to people in this cruel world are less noticeable. I hope your day gets better!! shane

I go thru the "starts and stops" too. Feels like that's all I've done my whole life! I've been married *four* times (twice to the same person...so I only count that as 3 :)and it looks like the current one is on the rocks.

I can't seem to hold a job for very long and if I keep job hopping I'm pretty sure I'll ruin my chances at getting hired anywhere. I get bored or just have such bad anxiety that I can't go anymore...then I get the depression and want to isolate like you do.

My 3 younger kids live with ther dad and I miss them everyday... my oldest lives with me and I've put him thru so many moves and my crummy relationships (mine) that he had to endure so I feel bad about that. My relationships for the most part have been riddled with abuse and fighting..why/how do I keep marrying or dating the same type of guy (except for #2...he was the "boy scout" but guess what? I got bored!! I hate this bipolar disorder sometimes!! I make stupid decisions because of it, when it's controlling me ....then when the smoke clears and I see what a mess I've made I get soooo depressed!

Sorry, didn't mean to be so long..I am thinking about you and hoping you feel better soon...we are here for you :)

I know I hve been high as of late... but when I first came here and just a month or so ago I was so depressed I did just become a recluse. It took a lot for me to get out of it. I was Med induced depression so for me stopping the meds was the answer but now I have to re-start becuase I am so High. The euphoria of being up has ended and believe me i will be with you again. Its like that with BP. I just hope you don't LOOSE EVERTHING!!!!!!! I already had lost my career three times!!!!

You a wroth battling this out for/with.

We ALL want to help you. You are a great person just because you are here. You know it could be worse!!!!

I will send you a hug, I know they don't help much but at least you know we want to help!!!

-B

Hope I can make some sense here...DON'T LET YOUR FEELINGS RULE YOU...I feel like doing lots of things...I used to dwell onthese negative feelings and things just got worse...then an old woman gave me a box to keep in my head and when negative thoughts come I put them in the box (really hard at first but with practice like anything else it got easier) Now I refuse to let negative thoughts run my life...it's my f**kin life and I will make it better no matter what.
I stopped drinking because it's a depressant and I was sick of feeling shitty. Some say BP gets worse with age but to tell you the truth it has gotten better for me with lots of effort on my part. Life is not easy for anyone Beeper or not. Feelings are just feelings...don't give them too much power.

SoL,

You're not alone. You get effected by what's going on in other's lives. You're compassionate to a fault at times. You reach out and help so many people to the point where you might neglect your own feelings. What you need is a good dose of boundaries. Knowing your own limits and simply remembering your own needs. When you're tired rest. When you're feeling abused just stop the communication.
I really enjoy reading your comments and I hope you know that you have a lot of friends here. We're not all needy joy suckers.
Have a good rest and please don't give up by going off to isolate. Start off with a nice sleep and a good breakfast. Take a shower and put on some fresh clothes. You'll feel so much more alive. Trust me. Hugs,
Sharon

Hey man I don't know you that well, but as I read you some of your postings you provide alot of support here with key advice. You seem to be well respected here along with providing humor at just the right moments. I think Sharon (orb) said it perfectly. When you are down and try to make others feel better, you expect yourself to maybe feel a bit better, not in a selfish way. Just the feeling of giving with nothing expected in return. Problem is with this sickness is that sometimes when you give, pieces of you seem to just chip away and you lose touch of your own needs and desire to be happy. Don't isolate yourself, it will not work. Keep talking and reach out when you need it. When you need time off from here, take it, but keep active. I know it's tough. People would be more than happy to help you on here as you have helped them. Take care and feel better. Mack

I'm new here mate, but it sounds like you've got a lot of love to give. I really don't know what to say, that others haven't said in replies to this post before.

Posting a few lines doesn't mean much..but I truly wish that you find some peace soon bud.