Its 6 am and I have not slept at all!!!! I was fighting with my girlfriend all weekend (on the phone) I hung the phone up and sat there with a razor to my wrist for 10 minutes!!! I wanted to do but I just couldnt! 5minutes later I felt great about eveything! WHY WHY WHY!!! I have told her im bipolar and she is willing to help me but there is only so much a person can take!! How do I live without destrying all great things that i come across!!! I have a successful career and i know i can go further but my mental state will not let me...At work im ALWAYS told i have so much potential but i need to focus to reach to a higher position! They dont understand that I am going through a million and one thoughts every secong of the fucking day!!! How do I change? I need to make a change because I gonna destroy everything i have ever worked for!!! I am working overseas so i cant see a doctor or get medication...my entire work would know and thats not good..i have one more moth left to go before im back in england so i could do it then. I just want to talk to someone. I feel like a loser some days and great the other. Insecurity aint the word when it comes to me! I cant pay for groceries with panicing! I cant walk down the street without feeling paranoid people are looking at me! I dont speak to people because i fear interaction! People think im rude but im just so screwed up!!! I NEED TO TALK TO SOMEONE!
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i just noticed that i am somehow back in that irishwriterg account. don't know how that happened. will sign out and try again. this is crap.
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