Here I am 1:25 a.m. and can't sleep, letting every little thing run through my head, blaming myself for recent events that are not possibly all one persons fault. I have been putting a lot of pressure and burden on myself and I just do not know how to stop! How can I take care of my family like this, how can I be a friend to my friends like this, how can I finish school and start a career being a stranger to myself. I want to make my marriage work; we have plans..so many plans. Were planning to try for another baby one day soon...how can I be a mommy again when I don't even like myself right now and I am not sure it will change anytime soon. I want to be as good a mommy to my babies as I can be..they need me like noone could. I want to be the kind of friend people are glad to have because they know they can trust and depend on me, not play a guessing game as to which personality they will get from me that day. I want to finish school and hopefully start my career as a Medical Administrative Assistant. I just want to be as normal a human being as you can be in this world, ne happy with the life God has given me and count my blessings instead of my flaws and faults. "Writing" this out is a great outlet for me but I have to do something, I don't know what, to help myself and not be dependent solely on other people, medicines, or any other common source of help for people in my situation. That is what we all probably want...to find that silver lining in all this gray
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