just once. I don't know if it's the BP, but I am a VERY unselfish person. I always give what I have to anyone - my kids, my co-workers, strangers, etc. I got a christmas bonus one year and another girl didn't. I had a little money in savings but not enought to by for the kids...but I still gave her 1/2 of my bonus anonymously so she could buy for her kids. I've been saving money for months and selling everything I can think of since Christmas to pay for something that I really want - my wedding (I know I've said my husband, but he feels like that, we're not getting married until July). Everytime something comes up that my kids or my fiance or my parents need - i've taken from that money and given to them. I give and give and give - life isn't fair but every now and then someone or something should throw you a bone. Just once - I want something for me and inturn for my family. I want a wedding (nothing elaborate) that is the joining of two families so that this time it starts out right. I don't think it's too much to ask...but the wedding is in June - I've given the money to various people in my family in need and I'm running out of ideas to come up with the extra. I love to give - but have you ever wanted (not needed) something so bad that it made your heart hurt to think that despite your hard efforts you coulnd't get it. The last 500 went to my sister who was 3 months behind on her house payment becuase her husband retired from the Navy and the Navy still hasn't paid him what they were supposed to. Is it being selfish to want something for myself. Am I being BP and in a episode. My last idea for income is a yard sale next week. Otherwise, our paychecks aren't even enough to pay the bills. If my kids father hadn't stopped paying child support in February we would be fine, but I've been dealing with bills with $1300.00 less per month. I'm just venting and crying. You guys are so great - I thought this was the place to say what I'm feeling. "Deep breath - the Lord provides."
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