I took my favorite ferret,Tink, to the vet today. He wants me to put her down due to a serious,but common, inbred ferret problem of enlarged spleen (probably cancer). I brought her home to have some quality goodbye time with her 2 brothers; and spent the day in bed crying or sleeping. I've sunk into a depressive hole. Death is the one big part of life that I can not make emotional peace with. I RAGE against it till it makes me sick. I have lost most of my family and still fight aganst those deaths-trying to make it not so. No therapy or books or support groups have calmed my spirit to what is an inevitable part of life. I don't believe that they are in a better place; or that I will see them again. They are out there somewhere as energy; but that doesn't help me in this life. This is one of those things I probably should be putting in a journal entry;but I don,t keep a journal. This is one of the reasons I think about killing myself-to slap DEATH in the face. I know it is out there waiting for me ;and I want to show it ,I can beat it at it's own came. Don't get alarmed. I'm not going to kill myself, just saying why I think about it. I guess I'm Writing to find out how you all feel about Death and dying.
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