I'm sitting here reading everyones posts and trying to watch TV so I will maybe stop thinking. So many thoughts racing in my mind. Sometimes when this is happening I bang my head against the wall or hit something, cut myself, blah, blah... Today I have this overwhelming urge to burn myself, just stick my hand on the stove until it hurts. I know it sounds crazy but, it stops my mind and all I'm doing now is sitting here on my couch rocking back and forth. Frozen, not getting up, so I won't go near the stove. Trying just to read and watch TV. Sorry I'm just typing on and on. I am just waitng for this feeling to pass. Just need it to pass. Had a good week and really thought I was ok and the weekend is here and I will be with my family and friends and that's what I look forward to and I'm just having a hard time.
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I don't know what is wrong with me! I am so sad and don't understand why. I don't remember much of this year and that is really frustrating to me. I know at one point I had friends but now I don't. I have no idea what happened with that but I'm starting to wonder if maybe I'm just meant to be alone. So so sad and so incredibly alone. I don't know what to do or even how to feel.
I'm more apprehensive than anything. I know what to expect with the procedure but I have no clue how I'll respond to it. I understand how it's done but everyone responds differently to everything so where I have collected all kinds of information on ECT I have been unable to predict how my body's chemistry will react. I'll keep you posted. Oh and I feel a lot better!