I am very sorry for what your going through and i knnow it must be very difficult, but unfortunatly i don't know how to answer. I am bipolar and don't have the compulsion to steal or have affairs but i know of some that do. I am a type 2 however and don't have the same type of Manic episodes that some do. It seems to me that the worst of us are those that are in denial, my friends mom is a type 1 and in denial and a cleptomaniac she is a nurse at and old folks home and steals the meds. She is also a shop lifter. I know that part of this disorder is "risky Behavior" but i think some have that worse than others. Most of the Time I'm too depressed to get out of bed let alone shop lift.Also there is the Borderline personality thing so it's all very complicated, i hope he comes to terms with himself soon. i have done that just recently.

I have done some behaviors that I never thought I would ever do..whethe or not its bipolar related..I dont know but I have been like this for as long as I can remember. I know what I'm doing is wrong at the time, but its like I dont care and I am regretful later.
I can't even begin too imagine being in your shoes. Can you two do counseling together? Just a suggestion.
Good luck to you.

Wow, I can't imagine how hard that must be on you, I am so sorry. I know I do stupid things when I am manic, like I don't really care, and at the time I don't think I care, and then after it eats at me like an acid. I think what I hate the most is all of a sudden the mania is just gone, and everything I did is like watching a horror movie, and I think 'oh crap...' I really hope things work out for you, whether or not his problems are BP related.

I think it is a personality flaw. He can use being manic if he has been doing this for a year and a half. At 37 it just sounds like he is going through a mid life crisis. I have done many stupid things due to being manic, but I dont steal or cheat. Lie well I do lie to hide my illness at work because it is new to me and I just cant go there yet. Even when I am manic I an do stupid stuff I am so regretful that I try to make amends. I do stuff that are out of character for me when I am manic, but the mania does not last more than a couple of days for me. Even if he is unmedicated it should not last a year and a half. I have only been on meds for 2 months. I am far from stable and still shift moods alot. Using being BP as an excuse to behave badly is just that an excuse. And you know what excuses are like a++holes everyone got one. Being BP is not a flaw in personality even at my worst I am still me. If it is not too late couples counsuling is a good idea. Even if he doesnt want to try it, I suggest you gets some help. Dealing wiht a husband that is cheating on you and dealing with 3 kids and the aftermath is very difficult for you. It sounds like you have been the rock trying to hold your famiy together and that is hard for anyone to deal with let alone dealing with his BP. I wish you luck and if you need someone to talk to msg me.

opps I ment to say

He CANT use being manic if he has been doing this for a year and a half.

I agree with lostbutterfly, he couldn't do that for a year and a half I don't think, I think the longest I was ever manic was like a month, it usually doesnt last more than a week though...

I think I was around 35 when I had a full-blown manic attack. I went over the edge. I was with a different woman, every night, I stole cars just for the hell of it, drove like a madman... and told my wife I wanted a divorce. I left eveything to her... my 20 acre acreage, 7 horses, house, truck, two cars, etc., etc. and just walked away. We had two teenage kids. Like I said, it lasted a year... then, "snap"... it was over and I had to cope with the guilt and shame.
It sounds like your hubby is just having a mid-life crisis. I don't think it has anything to do with his BP. Councelling is your best bet, if you want to keep the marriage together, but "I", personally, wouldn't waste an ounce of spit on someone that cheated on me. Kids or no kids. I'd spend the rest of my life being suspicious and would never trust him. I'd tell him to pack his bags and move in with his new girlfriend. But, that's ME! How YOU FEEL is important! It's your choice. I, personally would resort to "hallway sex". That's where you meet in the hallway, look at each other, and say, "@#$% you!"

Actually, the behavior is symptomatic of BP. However, as long as the patient is in denial, there is not a lot of hope for improvement. Does he have a psych doctor you can discuss this with? Also, are you seeking any kind of counseling/support therapy for yourself? It may be helpful when you are faced with these major issues if you have a professional to walk you through them. We can be supportive, but it takes a professional to help you to KNOW the things you NEED to know to make the decisions you are going to be faced with.

Best of luck and I hope things improve for you.

P.S. Knighthawk.....hallways??????? LOL

If he was 18-22 yrs. old... I "might" blame it on BP. I found the younger you are, the more severe and longer, your manic episodes last. But, 37? One and a half years? I find that hard to believe. I still think it's a mid-life crisis.

Hard to say knighthawk. I know a BP male who went through this at 51 and again at 56, so who knows if it's attributable to the BP or just his character? Either way.... it's really her that has to deal with the issue and determine what SHE needs to do.

Hey thanks everyone! He has gone from manic to depressed in the blink of an eye over that year and a half. He's quit his job about half a dozen times as well. As for counselling he promised to go but then wouldn't. I am going by myself and it is helping. As for the two of us we are now over. I started the process today. Mailed the papers to the lawyer to start the divorce. I really do appreciate everyone sharing with me to help me understand this awful disease. I pray for all of you because I can only imagine how you must feel. If there is anything I can do to help just let me know. You're all great!

everybodys mania and depression can be different. for some it's more extreme. for others, it's subtle. it took me 38 years to get dxd. i never knew i had symptoms. they were just things i couldn't explain, would rationalize, or i would just dismiss.

from my understanding you can go for several years or months in one cycle. i don't think how the body or mind works can be fit inot a box. why do you think it takes so long for doctors to figure things out. and many times they're wrong!

if he doesn't believe that he is bp though that is a problem becuase he's not trying to take care of it. now that i know that i have bp, so many things that i did (and do) make so much sense now. doing stupid things is a sing of mania.

he might also have nother disorder besides bp. i hear it's possible to have several disorders.

coping,

is there a reason why your husband is denying bp? why doesn't he believe he has it? is it the stigma with mental illness?

I think your filing for divorce is a good step. It might even wake him up as to what a wonderful woman he has. But alas, some just never wake up. Hope the best for you. That you will heal and find someone to love you the way you deserve to be loved. And I second what some have said here. There are things I did when manic that I have terrible shame about but now understand why things got out of control so readily. Not excusing my own choice in the matter, but it seems at times like our "senses" just are lost for a time. Picking up the pieces and forgiving myself it the hardest thing I find to do.

It's a common thing, unfortunately, for BP's to be resistant/in denial about their dx. If your husband comes around, and admits it, and takes his meds, make him show you over time he will stay on track, or he will likely fall off the wagon again. he may do all those things just to get you back,and wham!! He's back at it again.
He sounds to me like his character is flawed as well as the BP -which is unfortunate for him. But he still needs to get a grip and take responsibility.
And remember your children - each one of them has a 25-30% chance of being BP as well, so research and find info on chilren's BP symptoms, so you'll be prepared.