I have been experiencing this all my life. I know it's because of bp. I never know how my mood is going to be on a daily basis. Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night crying for no reason. Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night feeling as if I didn't need sleep. I never know how I will feel. I have ruined alot of relationships by going into a rage or I feel like I get sick of people,like I don't need anybody. Unfortunately I end up alone and I wish I didn't say or do the things I did. But it is out of my control. It's like being a different person on a daily basis. Why do I push people away when I am manic and when I am depressed I end up with some asshole who takes advantage of me because I am feeling so low, it's better than being alone is what keeps me in a relationship with the next asshole. Then when I am feeling manic I get overconfident and act like my shit don't stink and nobody likes that, so I end up pushing people away because I come off as I don't care about anybody but myself.
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