Too much time on my hands, idle mind is the devil's workshop my momma always said, I see the wisdom in that now. Thank God she's still alive to thank her!

Sometimes it just seems like to much, too much time, to much to do, so many people, so little time, so much dissentation, so much putting on the face that you know people except to see, the socially acceptable face. So much fear, too much knowledge, doing what I have to do it live another day, in a fugue, not really feeling anything anymore. So am I healed? Its been two years since my last crash (hospitalization) and it has pretty been a successful cocktail the doctor has created for me, should I be thankful just because they have achieved a specimen of success in mental health.

I have placed myself in a self imposed exile of existence, my life is a very controlled environment. It has taken me two years to build and not without some sense of relapse along the way.

All that's left to expect!