Usually I don't just get sad, I get suicidal. For the past few days I've just been sad. I'm sad that my soon to be ex husband has a new girlfriend, I can't even hate her like I have all his past girl friends. I've known this one since middle school and she's not a terrible person from what I remember. I still love me ex, we got together when he was 16 I was 17. We went through a lot together including our first child being still born. I care about him a lot and I hope the best for him. But we weren't right for each other, we got stuck together after we were both kicked out of our homes. There is a man that I love but after 5 months into our relationship he had to marry his babies mom (he's in the army and you have to be married to get housing money and he wanted to have his daughter with him) I am still married so he couldn't marry me. So now his "wife" has manipulated him and they live together and he is miserable. We can't talk or see each other or text each other because she knows about me and checks everything. I miss him, I miss having someone by my side. I'm also scared right now that when I file for divorce that my ex will try to get joint custody. I couldn't handle that. When my daughter was 8 1/2 months old I joined the army to try and support us and her father was supposed to be the one taking care of her. While I was gone her aunt found her chocking on a pipe screen from her dad's weed pipe that he left on the floor. He took her to a tattoo shop a few times and brought her back smelling like weed and was filthy. He would stay at my mom's and leave the baby down stairs with my little brother who was 13 at the time, My ex would stay in my brothers room and play video games all day, my brother would feed and change and take care of my daughter all day until my mom got home and she would take over and feed and bath her. My little brother didn't like to change dirty diapers and would have to beg my ex several times to change my daughter. When I got back from training my daughter was 14 1/2 months old. She had bloody diaper rash and a burned hand. The hand was because her father had an iron on the floor and wasn't watching her. When I got her back I put diaper rash cream on her after every diaper change and it was gone in 2 weeks, her father couldn't even do that. She is now 2 1/2 and her genital area is still so sensitive from when she had the rash, she cries everytime I have to wipe her. When I had come back from training he basically dropped her off and the rest of the two weeks I was a whole 2 blocks away he didn't once ask to visit her. When he came to drop off all of her belongings he asked to say good bye and I told him she was asleep but he could go in the house and kiss her if he wanted. He said no. We then had to move to my duty station which was in new york. He hasn't seen her since Dec 4th of 07. He hasn't tried to see her and hasn't sent her a penny. I even offered to let him stay with us if he visited or he could come live with me till he got his own place so he could be closer to his daughter, he said no. He now lives in texas and I live in california, I would be scared to death for my daughter to have visitation with her father. She is my world and I don't want her to ever get hurt. He attempted suicide when she was 3 months old and was kicked out of the army and about a year ago he stole a gun and was going to shoot himself in the head but for some reason shot himself in the foot. What does anyone think, do you think he will get visitation?
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