Ok, Really Rough Morning. Did manage to get a shower, (first one since tuesday), I keep tellint myself it will get better, the topamax hasn't had time to take effect yet. (Up to 50 mg, week 2) Moods are all over the board. Despair hit bad again this morning, then full blown anxiety attack, hyperventilated, tingling arms, chest pains, i was aware of all this but still scared. Had Ex talk to Doctor, needing something for the anxiety, he wants me to go to ER. I'm out of it again now but still anxious and fearful of leaving the house. Really not wanting to go to hospital because they can't make the meds work any faster, and being away from the kids only sets off another cycle of guilt/depression/worthlessness, i'm constantly fighting the inner thoughts that the kids would be better off without me, but truthfully there is nowhere else for them to go, and they are all that keep me going. I'm not suicidal just chemically imbalanced, cant trust my own judgements most of the time though, what do you think i should do?
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