I cling to the hope that this quote refers to like a life raft. Yet nonetheless I watch the same trials of my life continue to spiral down the same path they have followed for months. I can feel myself detaching from my life with every passing moment. All I can think about is the pain that would bring all of this back into focus. I know intellectually that yes, this too shall pass, but it seems that this endless road will continue forward as it has for many months and years. These dissociative sensations are a new twist. It seems that my endeavors to provide for my family, especially my wife, may be draining me mentally, spiritually, and emotionally to an extent that my mind no longer knows how to function. Without them I am nothing, but if I am already gone then I am without them none the less. I try to believe that God has a plan for all of us, and I cannot even dream to understand it right now, but if this IS God's plan, do I want any part in it? I've spent the last 19 months of my life rebuilding the wreckage I created through dual diagnosis, and I tell myself that it is better to hurt than to feel nothing at all, but sometimes I wonder whether I really mean that. If this too shall not pass, then what's the point?
Posts You May Be Interested In
Today is my 25th birthday, to my somewhat lack of surprise I can see already no one really seems to care. I've always been the kinda person to make sure that everyone I Care about feels appreciated and knew somebody had their back. I can count 4 times this year when I Went out of my way to make sure a "friend" felt good on their birthday, especially if they got left hanging. Its early in the...
theatre and I are there already. I'm having a very berry tea with crackers, cheese and cherry tomatoes and she's having a joint with some beer and we're both on really comfy recliners on thick pile carpet. we need some help with the decor if anyone is around??