I am having such a hard time...my doctor appointments keep getting pushed back and I am finally ready to get the help I need...I have been diagnosed for 15 years and I havent been on meds for about 10 years...I hate what I have done to everyone in my life especially my boyfriend who broke up with me 5 days ago because I was making his life harder...Im not mad at him but my life is so hard on my own I really wish he would have stuck around...he said he understands my bp but he doesnt fully and how could he...I hate this totally alone feeling I have all the time and I miss him so much I want to die...I want to be me again and the reason I havent been on meds is because I dont want to lose who I am but if I am not me off them either I dont know if there is any me left
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