I feel so defeated.... I was diagnosed with BP in high school, but was never treated, just another that fell through the cracks. I have been diagnosted again through a highly accredited hospital and yet my therapy team doesn't accept the diagnosis. They are treating me for depression, I keep being told that this is all depression (the agression, frustration, verbal abuse that I afflict onto others). My medication is so low that it's not even touching the symptoms. I've been put on a waiting list to see what's supposed to be "the best" treatment center, but it's been three months and I'm told I'm not a priority since I'm already seeing someone. Even though I've said over and over again that I'm not being treated for bipolar, ahhhh it's so frustrating. At first I was self destructive and now that anger is coming out and being forced onto others. My best friend has told me I'm eveil, it hurts to feel that, and yet I'm not sure that she's wrong. I'm about to loose my job and yet my doctors see this as me manipulating them... they think I'm borderline and yet the hospital ruled that out. I'm starting to hurt myself again. I wanted to end it, had a bottle of pills in my hand, at another point had a knife. I don't want to go into the hospital, if my employer fiends out I'll be done and loose everything. It feels good to feel the pain and yet I know it is hurting everyone I love. What else can I do.... nobody believes me.
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