Bipolar Disorder Support Group
Bipolar disorder is not just a single disorder, but a category of mood disorders marked by periods of abnormally high energy and euphoria, often accompanied by bouts of clinical depression. This is the place to talk about your experience with bipolar disorder, learn from others' experiences, and find support.

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I dont get it... today I have a serious break down and end up in a church a place I havent been in years and years. And still while there I feel empty. I come home and I try to sleep I get maybe 3 good hours sleep and here I am... and there is at least 3 or 4 posts where suicide is the subject matter... and I read... and they are light hearted.
Of all Days.... is God telling me its ok??? Seriously.... Yes I want to give up. No I am not going to swallow that bottle of pills by my bed tonight... but really... I am lookng for answers and I think Im getting the wronge message...
Of all Days.... is God telling me its ok??? Seriously.... Yes I want to give up. No I am not going to swallow that bottle of pills by my bed tonight... but really... I am lookng for answers and I think Im getting the wronge message...
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I'm trying to exercise daily. I was doing fairly well until I sprained my ankle 2 weeks ago but now I'm getting back on the horse. Today I walked over a mile with my arm weights that are about 22lbs total. I was out of shape and it was hard on my arms. I also did my 30 situps. I'm also going to drink a lot of water and try to eat healthy. I do tend to have a sweet tooth but I'm cutting...
http://www.metanoia.org/suicide/
When I hit a wall today and litterally had a break down I decided to go for a walk.... I have lived next door to a church for 3 years and have never stepped foot in there except to get married. I Looked up at the cross and said aloud, GOD please please help me understand. I went in....
I ended up talking to the only one there that could really talk with me. She was the head of the sunday school studies. We talked. I could see her almost childish love for God. I call it such because 'Jesus Freak' is just to mean and degrading. She had that veiw of God that I had when I was in the 4th grade. 2 years later I was abused by my newly reintroduced to the family father. I suffered in pain for 3 years pleading with God to send some one to help me. I had many doors turned on me including teachers. I stopped asking for some one to be sent and started seeking some one to help me with in the church.... after 5 years of searching and being turned away I changed my 'beliefs' I decided that God already sent the tools that I needed and they exsisted in society. That he wasnt ment to play a major role in my life. By that I mean directly intervine.
Today I listened to the lady I was talking to and she seems so at peace with her troubles because God would carry her.... And she said that no matter what GOd never Abandonded her... and thats when it hit me. I looked at her and I said no I do believe God abandoned me. She was a bit dumbstruct and tried to pull the talk back into that guided path.... I sat and listened and assured her that althought I had gotten very quiet I was listening. Truth was I was wondering why I felt abandoned. Well I have layed in bed and realized the reasons as listed above (in more detail)
How do you trust in something you cant see when you feel abandoned, when you feel the world sees you as the unwanted... How many other disorders have books telling loved ones that there is little help for us unless we try extreamly hard and then go about telling them how to save our selves? No where in the Bible is there any thing that says love the Borderline for they are suffering more then you can imagine?
How do I make sence of all this. I want so badly to have that faith and love that carries me througth so I am not lost and empty, but honestly its just not there.
Home was not the place for me, the hospital was not the place for me, and now I feel even Church isnt the place for me. Whats left?
I put it on my favorites list "just in case"
Thanks.
Remmeber Goldilocks?? The same principle applies to your heart.
And when you're this deeply depressed, you don't FEEL God's presence and love, but it IS still there.
That is when we learn to BELIEVE what the Bible says, regardless of how we FEEL.
I know how difficult this is, but if you can grasp it, he WILL carry you through.
Have you ever read the "Footprints" poem/story?
I also know what it's like to go to church and feel empty, like God isn't even there for you. I learned, however, that when it comes to God, we can't go by feelings. If we do, we'll never be satisfied. I used to be a christian as well, but now, I'm not sure where I stand...different subject, different story, but I still believe in God whole heartedly.
If it's God you want to reach out to, perhaps try opening your Bible, saying a prayer for God to show you what you need, and start reading some psalms out loud. In the past, when I have faced difficult situations, I have done this and amazingly, it actually helped.
I hate it when people tell me I have so much to be thankful for. I mean, it is true, but what I need is for someone to understand and support me, you know? I know you likely feel the same way. When you hurt so much, it's hard to see the good, and understandably so. I'm glad you're getting this out here. If it helps, keep talking. If the Bible thing helps, keep doing it until you feel at ease enough to get some rest. I will say a prayer for you!
Star... wow Im almost lost for words... that rarely happens....
My heart is an empty hole when it comes to myself. I don't know how I hit this deep depression out of what seems like no where. I was doing ok... even fine and I woke up yesturday and stuff started to sink in and here I am. I have depression yes... but rarely like this and I thought I was getting to a stable place.
And how do you tell some one to just believe in what the BIble says when for 18 years of your 33 years of life you believed... and you were hurt in ways no one should ever be. And you had so many doors shut on you when you reached for help? How do you tell some one to look within for those answers and for the healing and then say that God will help you throught and even carry you? God is not in my heart He left me when I was 11. It makes me wonder if he was ever there or if my child mind was just able to believe in God because I was told he was there.