Bipolar Disorder Support Group
Bipolar disorder is not just a single disorder, but a category of mood disorders marked by periods of abnormally high energy and euphoria, often accompanied by bouts of clinical depression. This is the place to talk about your experience with bipolar disorder, learn from others' experiences, and find support.

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I was diagnosed almost 3 years ago. Since then, I have felt low almost the entire time until this past January when they switched me from lamictal to risperdayl. that helped alot with the rage and helped me think straighter. I have often thought that this is no kind of life to live and that the bad feelings are so much stronger sometimes. i have wondered if i was strong enough so many times. but a few weeks ago, i didn't even think or see it coming. all i felt was that the hurt and the pain HAD to go away. i took a bunch of blood pressure pills and came close to dying. at the hospital, over half the people there were there because they were bipolar and attempted suicide. i've never gone that far before and am not even sure why or how i did it. i didn't plan it. it scares me that so many others were there for the same reason. is that part of the disease? i thought i just got overwhelmed with the emotions and it was a one time deal. is that an unrealistic way to think? i really scared myself. i feel so weak sometimes but deep down, i don't want to die. yet, i came so close without ever once THINKING that "I want to die". How do i keep that from happening again??? is that a common thing? thank you
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I once read (in a Kay Jameison book I believe) that 20% of diagnosed bipolars will successfully attempt suicide. The need to do this was contributed to the inability to withstand the constant mood swings, the effect the disease has on a persons work life, relationships, and often their creative life. At any rate, suicide is one of the riskiest and most common behaviors of all bipolars. While most (80%) bipolars will only think about it or make a half-hearted attempt in order to express the deep emotional turmoil they are in, 20% are actually successful. It is downright scary. Now, I have had serious discussions with my pdoc about this cause, as it turns out, I fall in that category of 20% who "ideaize" and have all the characteristics of being very successful on an attempt. His job (as he told me) is very challenging as should he fail, I shall succeed.
I don't think this comes from an "I want to die" perspective as much as a "I don't want to live like this any more" perspective. I think it's more common than we realize, and I think our support systems fail us when we are at our weakest points. How do we keep it from happening again? Man, my only prayer is that when I go into that black tube again, I'll recognize I'm sliding and I run, I do not pass go, but run to the nearest ER room and insist they call my pdoc. My last attempt left me somewhat crippled for life, I fear my next will be absolutely successful.
I keep the pills were I can get at them. It's comforting in a way to know I can always escape. Just me I suppose.
Approx. 1/2 of all completed suicides are by those with bipolar disorder.
Risk factors include: early age of onset; high number of major depressive episodes; alcohol abuse, personal history of antidepressant-induced mania, and family history of suicidal behavior.
Impulsivity and hostility traits also elevate suicide risk. Impulsivity may be the reason why people with bipolar disorder who abuse substances are twice as likely to attempt suicide as those who do not. About two thirds of people who attempt suicide make multiple attempts. In those with bipolar disorder, 1 out of 5 suicide attempts is lethal, in contrast to 1 out of 10 to 1 out of 20 in the general population.