I was diagnosed almost 3 years ago. Since then, I have felt low almost the entire time until this past January when they switched me from lamictal to risperdayl. that helped alot with the rage and helped me think straighter. I have often thought that this is no kind of life to live and that the bad feelings are so much stronger sometimes. i have wondered if i was strong enough so many times. but a few weeks ago, i didn't even think or see it coming. all i felt was that the hurt and the pain HAD to go away. i took a bunch of blood pressure pills and came close to dying. at the hospital, over half the people there were there because they were bipolar and attempted suicide. i've never gone that far before and am not even sure why or how i did it. i didn't plan it. it scares me that so many others were there for the same reason. is that part of the disease? i thought i just got overwhelmed with the emotions and it was a one time deal. is that an unrealistic way to think? i really scared myself. i feel so weak sometimes but deep down, i don't want to die. yet, i came so close without ever once THINKING that "I want to die". How do i keep that from happening again??? is that a common thing? thank you
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