I was the same way too and I am also on Lithium. And your husband will come along and will understand one day how you are it takes awhile good luck.

The irony now is that when out with friends, I come across many that actually talk about helplessness.Sane people have downers and quite often I've seen them address suicidal thoughts.
Mine have gone over the last few years.Lithium.Plus life has taken over and revealed more.

I'm not sure.My suidical identation has moved to a background noise....way far back...background noise.
But ,a very stable,highly funtioning Bper told me once,every once in a while (outta the blue),she'll have an episode of SI.
Once our meds get worked out ,and things are going pretty well...I still think(SI) it's like a wild animal,we should never think it's gone back into the woods..it may be lurking,and waiting for a vunerable moment...that's just how I see it.

I also struggle with this periodically. I fall very fast into depressions, even on my meds, and also come out of it rather quickly. I had a suicide attempt in the early 90's. I try very hard to find some support when I get like this, I don't want to be a statistic. One out of 5 bipolars eventually commit suicide without help. So get help. Try whatever will work for you. I get on the net and email to my support groups. I don't always tell them I'm suicidal sometimes just reading everyone elses' post and a little chatting with someone for awhile will get me past that critical moment. I'm also on lithium and like you it helps alot, however, the reason the Dr's keep us on meds is because if you have another episode it won't be as bad if you are already on meds. You might want to check with your Dr about a antidepressant . I've been on them for years. Hang in their a nd tell yourself "This will pass" over and over because it will. It always does.

i know i need to get my meds adjusted when the wind even whispers the slightest hint of suicidal thoughts. i wish everyone would do the same and not let it get to the point where they're actually really thinking about it. stop it when it starts.

yes

Nothing is stronger than you and your core being. Sometimes when you feel weak and need to recharge there is always that part of you that may want to poke fun to see if you want to give up. Never give up and embrace all that is good around you, you will find your stronger than the beast challenging you and eventually the beast is under wraps so you can move on from your slumber

i get suicidal.

i have to add that your husband sounds kind of ... off. he just shut the door and hoped for the best?

and he won't forgive you if you try it again ... that's thin ice. but maybe i'm just thinking too much of my own marriage. i was in SO MUCH TROUBLE for attempting suicide.

i don't think that's necessarily helpful.

i have to fight suicidal ideation... used to fight it daily... now i fight it once or twice weekly. i hope pluck's right. it'll go.

and y'know what else...

my doctor said "once you are up to 300 mg of lamictal the suicidal ideation will disappear."

does anybody else find that incredibly hard to believe?

I'd say it varies. Nothing is set in stone where BD is concerned.

except for the fact that we're gonna have mood swings.

i'm chipping that into the stone tablet right now.

I'm passively suicidal all the time. I would never committ the act because it would devestate my children for the rest of their lives. However I often think I wish I could contract a terminal disease or get taken out in a car accident etc

I sure hope it isn't a forever struggle. It has been a personal struggle for me since the age of 13 when I first attempted. You would think that after 2 weeks in the hospital, seizures, having the stomach pumped, all that garbage that I would have learned. But 4 years later, same thing, different method. Another hospitalization. This time reconstructive artery & nerve surgery. Then medication, therapy, things would start looking better. I would think "okay, now I can stop taking meds." Then, what do you know, another with another hospitalization. Repeat cycle one more time. I say thank you each & every morning I wake up now, just for the fact that I am still alive. I thought that now that I am older & wiser with a child of my own that these suicidal feelings would be totally gone...it is most disconcerting to me that they ARE still with me from time to time. This is a terrible struggle to deal with each day, & I sure do hope that there is a point we get to where these thoughts abate or disappear altogether.

If you can reach out to someone, just to talk, sometimes this can help. And I don't mean getting on here & upsetting everyone like a few have done (not you), but I have been able to ask advice here & just say "Hey, I am feeling really desperate here, can anyone offer some advice?" People have been so great & supportive. The last place you want to be (emotionally speaking) when you have these feelings is alone.

for me, it can be...I have looooong spells of suic. ideation...just have to live with it...(anti-psychtics help)....on other hand my bp Aunt is manic about 7 times a year, often hopsitalised for it....never really suicidal *shrug*

I think its safe to say that its "normal" for all bps to feel this way at some point....not always. the right meds have hellped me out tremendously.