I've never contempated suicide before this past weekend. Through the tears and pain, I thought.... how could I do it? where? when? and what would be the best way. Drive off the nearest bridge and let the water to the work, cut myself to the point of no return (I am good a that), overdose on whatever drugs I might be able to get a hold of (not a problem a little south of here), hanging (nah, just the thought freaks me out), a gun shot to the head (eating a bullet, hey I love to eat). These are the things that went through my mind this weekend. Today, on my way into work as I passed an 18 wheeler semi I thought of just turning into it and letting it run over me completely. And what surprised me is for the first time all weekend I smiled at the thought. I've been harboring a secret for a while now. I died a while ago inside because of this secret and the pain is so strong and so constant that all I want is it to end. I've drank, done a lot of drugs hoping to ease the pain, become numb, but it not working anymore. At first, it did, but its just not doing it anymore. Nothing is making it go away. And the only thing I can think is ending it all will make it go away.
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