I've only signed up for this board yesterday. I've been hanging in the depression room (the only diagnosis I'm "comfortable" with) The thought of Bipolar II scares me. I just want to be normal. I feel embarrsed am ashamed. Friday will be my 3rd week with out Wellbutrin & Ativan. (am currently on Lamictal and Ambien). I've been eating like a mad woman (before, I hardly had an appeitite) I've been irritable and intolerant...today is fear and tears. I refused to take the Seroquel the Dr. orig. prescibed. Just to read antiphychotic put such FEAR in me. Will I someday end up in a phych ward? I have 2 small children at home. I can't have a mental illness. (sobbing now) My family will not understand. I hate that my husband even knows. The reason is anytime something goes wrong i.e. argument, it's the same old...Did you take your meds today? Maybe you should see the Dr. you need something else. It pisses me off to no end!!! I hate being the one with the "problem". It has been so easy to write my behavior off as crappy life events. Who the hell wants to be mentally ill anyway. How did this even happen to me? So, here I am again, in the midst of a crying jag wondering if I should take the leap and accept my diagnosis. I live in fear the constant push and pull (I'm fine - oh, I am so NOT fine). I just want to enjoy life. I hate the thought of having to try all these different drug to fing the right one. I fear the side effects...I fear it ALL!
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