i'm having a little panic attack.. i'm off meds, i barely have any fight left. i NEED to get back on meds ASAP so i called my pdoc this morning, no answer so i left a message. then i call back later, he picks up and says, call back in 10 min. i called back in 15 and no answer. i leave a message. he hasn't called back and i don't think he will. he never has before. i don't want to be bothersome but i need to make an appt! i'm not functioning, i think about suicide, and cry all the time. i sit and stare and cry, and i'm in so much pain. i'm not throwing a pity party, but this is severe. i went off some strong meds cold turkey, stupid i know. now i'm anxious bc i can't get an appt right away, i need to calm down and relax. i feel like everyone in my lfie is giving up on me. my husband heard me crying myself to sleep the last few nights and just rolled over and went to sleep without a word. my mother doesn't beleive i'll ever be right, and i'm sure my pdoc is getting tired of me messing up my meds and always switching them. i just want to crawl in a dark hole where my depression won't affect others around me, i want to give up. i thought about getting drunk for the day to get through it, but i have to work later. i wish i could just sleep until i'm okay, or just never wake up. im nervous to call back, i don't think i should but how am i going to get through the day? every hour seems like an eternity. i can't keep myself together.
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