I have felt myself spiral down since wedesday, after treatment in IOP I was doing pretty good, that was june 9th-aug 14th, I've been pretty much holding my own ever since, I have been seeing my therapist once a week, where before treatment I was seeing her twiced a week. well I have had a couple of low days, but always managed to lift myself out of them. But since wedensday night, I was coming home from doing my church nursery job, and I should have known something was up, as I drove home, my thoughts were I don't want to ever go back, I hate that job, I hate any job, I hate working and I just hate life in general, so I came home took my meds. with the exception of 2 more pain pills so I could sleep, thursday I took two pain pills through out the day so I could sleep and thursday night I took my meds. plus 2 klonipin so I could sleep, sounds like maybe I'm zoneing out. slept till 10:00 friday morning, went back to sleep at 4:00- 6:00pm got up at 6:00 by 8 I had written 3 poems about cutting & death, by 8:30 I was in the gurage actually cutting to watch the fresh blood spill from my arms, sometimes I see this as new release of life, now I'm totally depressed, hopeless and saying shit happens, will it ever end, I wrote a poem called is death calling my name? What ever, shit happens
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