So today I called my HR EAP out of pure curiosity to understand how my therapy works. So my 5th therapy session is October 26th. My 6th session is November 16th. The EAP counselor asked me what is really going on. I told her about the abuse. It was embarrassing at first. I the last straw 8/29/19 at 9:30 pm he spit on me because I was falling alseep. She made me realize that I first called 8/16 explaining I was stressed but didn't go into detail about abuse. She said that in itself shows the relationship was crumbling. The EAP lady said she is proud of me. She decided to give me 6 more free sessions. She knows I'm struggling financially and said she wants me to help she doesn't normally do this. It is such a blessing from God. I really feel the lord is with me. I'm counting my blessings. I'm still super happy about my $500 dollar discount at matress firm that man was so kind. I cried with both these people helping me. He wrote me a 22 page letter and addresses it to his address so that it would be forwarded to my new place. All it is is gaslighting. No one changes in 2 weeks. I moved 9/23, his letter says he is a changed man. Bull crap! I'm determined to heal. I realize different things each day about the reality of this situation. I started reading psychopath free. This book has been the most helpful because it wasn't until I read it that it focuses on recovery. You know whats crazy. In the 22 page letter he wrote he actually wrote I can't promise I won't kick or punch you in my sleep. I told you all before he is legit faking. Taking pillows over my body and punching seems calculated to me. I want to be single for 6 months. I want to be alone so until I'm done talking about abuse. I'm going to try to make friends but that's hard for me. You guys are like my only friends. I'm a loner. I tried meetup.com years ago it is not for me. One day at a time.
Hi - My therapist recommended this book. Thoughts?
Today, I live in fear. I'm free from my past physically, but I continue to wait for the other shoe to drop. I'm learning that trauma lingers and I'm also in a state of fight or flight. Sometimes I feel like I'm going to lose everything and everyone. Being with a new partner has been healing, but when I'm not doing well with my trauma, I start to read into things and fear the worst-I fear...