Bipolar Disorder Support Group
Bipolar disorder is not just a single disorder, but a category of mood disorders marked by periods of abnormally high energy and euphoria, often accompanied by bouts of clinical depression. This is the place to talk about your experience with bipolar disorder, learn from others' experiences, and find support.
My story?
So, I was in a spiralling downward depression (in which I repressed EVERYTHING! i was so utterly numb) for two years after an abusive relationship and used the internet/personal profiles/forums/writing journal entries to cope. I still went to school and had jobs and had friends but I would spend up to 16 hours sometimes on the computer in one day. I wasn't fully aware at the time that I was having a spiralling downward depression until finally I had a new boyfriend who broke up with me and opened up the wound.
I had my first panic attack promptly after, but he had this marvelous effect on me and made me want to feel confident and take care of myself better (the natural way i.e. yoga, meditation, etc). I'm not addicted to the internet anymore, but during this period I had ups and downs where I thought I was just fighting the anxiety/depression. Once I felt fully confident (manic?), I immediately went into a faster spiral not realizing again that this was happening. I thought the depression was just gone forever! I now have major depression and am on Celexa and take ativan.
My family is very new age/hippie-ish and don't want me to take anything for bipolar disease which my psychiatrist is convinced I have. She has recommended risperidone, but then I told her they wouldn't let me take it and she gave me a prescription for lithium. They still don't want me to take it even though I have constant racing thoughts. They tell me I just am trying to get a pill to solve my problems and that the medical model of depression doesn't treat all areas of the person's well being , just the 'external'/the 'symptoms'.. doesn't get to the 'root' of the problem.. doesn't teach the body to 'heal it self'. Perhaps they are in denial of how severe it is? My head feels like it's coated in acid because I think so much/so deeply. I can hardly read. I don't know what to do. Lately, I've just been really angry and cry alot.
My symptoms during mania were just feeling like I was the most confident person in the world, feeling on top of the world, etc. I've never been the type that was so energetic I could get by on little sleep or spend thousands of dollars and those other things I read about.
I'm just confused. I can't tell if i really am bipolar or not.
I just can't stop thinking/self-reflecting. It's so goddamn annoying. I just feel so oversensitive and perfectionistic it hurts (a social perfectionist I like to say).
Words of advice?
So, I was in a spiralling downward depression (in which I repressed EVERYTHING! i was so utterly numb) for two years after an abusive relationship and used the internet/personal profiles/forums/writing journal entries to cope. I still went to school and had jobs and had friends but I would spend up to 16 hours sometimes on the computer in one day. I wasn't fully aware at the time that I was having a spiralling downward depression until finally I had a new boyfriend who broke up with me and opened up the wound.
I had my first panic attack promptly after, but he had this marvelous effect on me and made me want to feel confident and take care of myself better (the natural way i.e. yoga, meditation, etc). I'm not addicted to the internet anymore, but during this period I had ups and downs where I thought I was just fighting the anxiety/depression. Once I felt fully confident (manic?), I immediately went into a faster spiral not realizing again that this was happening. I thought the depression was just gone forever! I now have major depression and am on Celexa and take ativan.
My family is very new age/hippie-ish and don't want me to take anything for bipolar disease which my psychiatrist is convinced I have. She has recommended risperidone, but then I told her they wouldn't let me take it and she gave me a prescription for lithium. They still don't want me to take it even though I have constant racing thoughts. They tell me I just am trying to get a pill to solve my problems and that the medical model of depression doesn't treat all areas of the person's well being , just the 'external'/the 'symptoms'.. doesn't get to the 'root' of the problem.. doesn't teach the body to 'heal it self'. Perhaps they are in denial of how severe it is? My head feels like it's coated in acid because I think so much/so deeply. I can hardly read. I don't know what to do. Lately, I've just been really angry and cry alot.
My symptoms during mania were just feeling like I was the most confident person in the world, feeling on top of the world, etc. I've never been the type that was so energetic I could get by on little sleep or spend thousands of dollars and those other things I read about.
I'm just confused. I can't tell if i really am bipolar or not.
I just can't stop thinking/self-reflecting. It's so goddamn annoying. I just feel so oversensitive and perfectionistic it hurts (a social perfectionist I like to say).
Words of advice?
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I have been here before, a long long time ago and now I am back.Forgive me for not just saying what I want to say,even under a triple dose of antidepressants it is still raw and seeping and I am hesitant at revealing it as at least under the bandages around my heart I don,t have to look at how raw and wounded.My child was cleaved from my heart by his own actions. my child of ten,turning eleven...
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theatre and I are there already. I'm having a very berry tea with crackers, cheese and cherry tomatoes and she's having a joint with some beer and we're both on really comfy recliners on thick pile carpet. we need some help with the decor if anyone is around??
Welcome.
Read more about BP and decide what is best for YOU.
I'm all for trying to do as much as you can with yoga and meditation and any other 'new age' type treatments, but if you have a chemical imbalance, it's likely that you will still need more conventional treatment.
Is your treatment up to your parents, or up to you? If it's up to you, I hope you will strongly consider your Pdoc's recommendations.
Perhaps your parents will come around, if they see a marked improvement.
It's a shame if you are going through all that you are, unnecessarily.
Good luck and take care!!
You need to find out what YOU think, if you agree with your family then go along with what they say, if you agree with the doctors then try it their way, but you need to take control of it in whatever way you can.
Self reflection is a good thing up until a point, you need to find that point!
xx
anyhow, if your family are very new age and hippy... as I am myself... and hate meds... (i have to take them from time to time (increasingly longer periods as i seem to be cocking up more) as things are way way too much)).. then something I would suggest trying...
to all of you...
is a healing called Reiki. It won't make it go away entirely, it will help you have some calm for a while.
I actually was attuned to it so I can give it to other people and for weeks afterwards... my mind was SO QUIET! it was such an amazing feeling.
I went to bed, thought, im tired, then that was it, went to sleep.
I got up, thought im hungry, so i ate, that was it.
Ran through a few options of what i could do that day, thought id go see my friend, so did.
Managed to stay in conversations without trailing off or talking 100 miles an hour.
it was just lush!!
for agggges!!
An it did really feel (and differently so to how this has felt before) like it had gone entirely. It wasnt the usual... woohoo its gone feeling. it was a knowing... feeling different to ever before feeling.
now i am ill again and having a bad downnnn down down up up up down up doooowwwwwwwnnnnnn up up up up down down DOWN AND STAY DOWN, only kidding up up do.. u..dow...u... episode... weirder than ever before also..
but I know if i hadnt have done that course and got a lot of the shit out of my head... this weird weird episode would be sooooooo much worse!!!!
im starting on lithium and clonazepam tonight.
This is not a mood disorder per say...Being bipolar ,is a Biochemical imbalance of the brain.It isn't "cured",it isn't holistically managed....oh I'm all for useing Holistic tools to help,but it's going to take a team effort,you ,Phyciatrist and family understanding.Try asking someone from your family to go with you to a Pdoc(phyciatrist) meeting.The Pdoc will be able to explain how the bipolar brain is chemically misfunctioning.You aren't just in a mood swing..it's WAY more than that!