i hate to put a damper on everyones cheer this morning, but im reaaly having a rough time. im calling my pdoc today, but i wont even be able to see him until next week cos my gram is going in for heart surgery and its very risky, noone knows if shes healthy enough to survive a surgery so im driving 6 hours to stay with family and go to the surgery. this is like a really dark storm cloud looming over my head, but the other things is that my moods are shifting all over the place. i've kept good energy this whole time, but i've gone from happy to crazy frustrated all in the course of a day. last night i was really angry, then i was in this mode where i didn't care about anyone but me. last night i had a dream that my husband cheated on me with a beautiful brunette and i caught them so i met this great guy who really truly loved me the way i want to be loved, and then i woke up feeling like my husband doesn't really love me and i'm not happy in our marriage. i go through these phases where i feel like im in love with other ppl, i don't know what part of bipolar this is..but i know i've been through this cycle in the past. its so hard and painful. i don't know how i'm going to hold together for grams surgery. what if she doesn't make it? i can't deal with that! i'm afraid i'm going to go off the deep end and even if i could see the doc sooner, changing meds takes awhile too. what am i going to do. i'm screwed either way.
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