I have known I was bipolar for several years now and have always realized that my moods would go up and down. I have just never been down this long. I am really scared that this depression seems to go from bad to worse. My grandparents both killed themselves from this and I don't want to be the next. It is so hard however to keep going to bed praying that this will lift and then waking up and realizing it hasn't. It is effecting my work, relationships, and everything I do...or more like everything I don't do. Tonight I had a book club group that I wanted to go to but as soon as I got home I lost the motivation to do anything and went to the same spot I seem to live in....my sofa. I fell asleep and had nightmares that woke me up and then felt bad because I realized how much of my time is spent waiting for this depression to just pass. It feels like I don't have the energy to do anything. I was thinking about going to a hospital but am afriad of missing work. I took time off a few months ago to go into the hospital. It is the first time I have maintained full time employment in years and I feel like I am a step away from being permanently locked up in a mental ward. I was so proud that I was working again because I see so many people just living off the system, but now I wonder if the bipolar is bigger then I am? I just don't want to spend everyday so upset and uncomfortable. Thanks for listening...Carrie
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