i see my pdoc tomorrow. i'm sorta nervous because i wrote down all the wierd shameful events from the past 10 years that could have been manic episodes. i've worked so hard to hide all of this from everyone, even to the point of denial. now i feel like i have to face the truth. so much stupid crap i've done-selfishless spending money like a crazy person on hair, clothing, treating ppl to expensive dinners, believing i had magic powers, spontaneous long distance trips to the beach or canada...then the severe episodes of depression, self injury, the drug use, the slew of meds i was on as a teenager. i've pretended to be 'normal' since i met my husband. i always thought ppl would reject me if any of this came into light so i buried all of it. i didn't even think to tell my pdoc when i was starting to have problems again. im just really ashamed of myself and my past.
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