I am so frustrated right now I could cry. But wait I can't cry. Haven't cried in months. Just got back from a lousy shift at work. Found out am only sheculed for 1 4/5 hour shift next week. I can't find a job anywhere else. Noone wants me. Noone needs me. I feel like a failure at life. I feel like I don't deserve to get better. I feel like I am a burden to my family and friends around me. I feel like I don't deserve to live anymore. Bills are stacking up to no end in sight. Can't find affordable insurance. Don't want to take my meds tonight because what's the fucking point. I am never going to get better. I don't deserve to get better. I don't deserve to get a job and be a part of society. I sometimes just wish I would go to sleep and never wake up. What's the point? All I do is fail over and over and over again. Talked to my dad tonight and he helped a little. He said God doesn't make trash. But what if He made a mistake making me? What if I am that regeted pile of garbage that should have been killed before I was even born? I just don't know anymore. I am ready to give up and throw in the towel. How am I supposed to live on 4.5 hours a week at work? I can't keep asking my parents for money. They don't have that much. I'm frustrated to the point where I am passed wanting to cut. I am sorry I am bothering you all with all of this but I didn't know where else to turn. I don't think I want to die but I am not sure at this point. It's been a very long day. I am rambling so I guess I'll shut up now. I've taken up enough of your time.
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