Bipolar Disorder Support Group
Bipolar disorder is not just a single disorder, but a category of mood disorders marked by periods of abnormally high energy and euphoria, often accompanied by bouts of clinical depression. This is the place to talk about your experience with bipolar disorder, learn from others' experiences, and find support.

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I'm there. I'm at that place again. I want to go to the other side where no-one can hurt me, where the pain will stop and silence surounds my sleeping mind like a well known and loved blanky.
Due to a conversation for the last couple of hours with my ex (which I know will sting me in my next bill - but I didn't care at the time), I want to bring him the happiness I know it would bring him if I were to die and make up for all the misery I caused when we were together. I just opened up to him the other day and told him about my BP and BPD so I know he will find peace in knowing he can just blame that for my actions.
I can't do this any more. I can't risk the pain of rejection again...time after time...with every hang up, every betrayal, the knowing when someone is using me, feeling like no-one loves me just for me. It's all too much.
I struggle with the idea that someone will have to clean up the mess...my mess, and it scares me that I won't get it right. I'm thinking of a hanging in one of the trees in the reserve behind where I live but I don't want a search party and people worrying for days. I just want it to be fast and hassel free for everyone.
Due to a conversation for the last couple of hours with my ex (which I know will sting me in my next bill - but I didn't care at the time), I want to bring him the happiness I know it would bring him if I were to die and make up for all the misery I caused when we were together. I just opened up to him the other day and told him about my BP and BPD so I know he will find peace in knowing he can just blame that for my actions.
I can't do this any more. I can't risk the pain of rejection again...time after time...with every hang up, every betrayal, the knowing when someone is using me, feeling like no-one loves me just for me. It's all too much.
I struggle with the idea that someone will have to clean up the mess...my mess, and it scares me that I won't get it right. I'm thinking of a hanging in one of the trees in the reserve behind where I live but I don't want a search party and people worrying for days. I just want it to be fast and hassel free for everyone.
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theatre and I are there already. I'm having a very berry tea with crackers, cheese and cherry tomatoes and she's having a joint with some beer and we're both on really comfy recliners on thick pile carpet. we need some help with the decor if anyone is around??
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I'm trying to exercise daily. I was doing fairly well until I sprained my ankle 2 weeks ago but now I'm getting back on the horse. Today I walked over a mile with my arm weights that are about 22lbs total. I was out of shape and it was hard on my arms. I also did my 30 situps. I'm also going to drink a lot of water and try to eat healthy. I do tend to have a sweet tooth but I'm cutting...
Taking your life is not the answer here. Time will heal your pain, just exept it and carry on living the best you can.
HUGS :))
www.zomgaspies.com.
I'll be waiting for your comment when you come back
There is no such thing as a no mess suicide. It reaches out and touches more people than you can imagine.
And the hurt is unbelieveable. the feeling that maybe someone, maybe even I could have stopped her. the what ifs will haunt many of us for the rest of our lives!
Im sorry for your loss baggy :((
Once, she came to my house asking me to cut her hair. I was sorta honored. So loving to do that kinda thing she said do whatever I wanted make her different. So taking her seriously.. I wacked and curled and did makeup.. All at the same time she slowly revealed her terrible story about the fight she had had with her husband.. The JERK.
Turns out before she arrived at my house with the scissors in hand she had managed to get her some METH or SPEED. She was talking really fast and starting to panic and I kept her cailm by asking about the hair and telling my life funnys that are always so funny for others to hear but really they are my daily delimas. Anywho, she told me she had gotten a bunch of that speed and had already snorted up 3 lines. This was the first time she ever did it. I was so scared. Turns out her husband had called her fat and ugly. She is well over 300 pounds and that was just the lowest blow ever. After a series of argument they had earlier (over the phone) she flew off the depression deep in. She had planned to come to my house to die. She wanted me to do her hair for the planned Wake and Funeral after having the deep within pleasure of her husband finding out that his insults resulted in her overdosing on a illegal diet drug and have her hair and make up all done for him. You have to give her bonus points for trying but...
I some how managed to get that sad girl all happy. She was getting hyper on that stuff and seeing how pretty her hair was getting and we even took pictures. Then (me very tired but enjoying the time with her) we went to the local Rite Aide Parking lot and waited for the doors to open then get the pictures developed in an hour. She so loved them. She cheered up so dramatically after such a start with a bad evening.
Turns out after the high was gone and she realized just how much hair I had cut and that she would actually have to curl it and fix it daily she was so madd (in a friendly mad way) that she said I would never touch her hair agian. Never fails that when she comes knocking at the door with the scissors in hand I know exactly what to do. I spend hours and hours barley I mean barley trimming her hair making her think I am cutting it all off. There is no change and after the relaxing hair combing and then my traditional French Braid she is all better. She says nobody else can get her out of a funk like I can. That makes me really happy to know. Yet, get this... about 3 weeks ago she went and bought all the stuff for me to perm her hair. She was in a good mood! So we spent a wonderful time inhaling the fumes as I layered her hair, permed then taught her how to fix it herself. She looks awesome. She tells me all her stories of people loving her hair.
I am sure you are like totally done with listening to my stupid story but , I feel much better now telling it. I think the power to get out of the place you are in is in the power of thought. If you get to thinking about all that I just wrote for at least that moment you were not thinking what you was thinking.. does that make since? Write me back on here and I will watch for you. I will tell you many many stories.. Not like this one but real life funny dramas! laugh with me...