I know everyone is going to say it but it sounds like a little trip to the hospital would be a good idea about now. Having just got out I can truely say its amazing how much better you can feel afterwards.

...so they can numb me into thinking like everyone else? I'm here for my mashed mind, peas and gravy thanks nurse. Feed me! Feed me!...then I can be "normal"? Fuck that! I like MY idea of normal...showing kindness, compassion and acceptance to all.

Sorry if this sounds harsh but you need to stop beating yourself up over the past, you cannot change it, learn from it and move on. Let your ex go, I understand your pain, Ive made right cock-ups of my relationships. Dosent mean you are a bad person. Sometimes things just aren't meant to be.

Taking your life is not the answer here. Time will heal your pain, just exept it and carry on living the best you can.

HUGS :))

Then you need to find your own way to get back to your normal and away from "that" place ... the hospital has just been my safe place (of course its a fantastic mental health center so that might change things)

ok. I shouldn't do this, but please just look at
www.zomgaspies.com.
I'll be waiting for your comment when you come back

I don't get it baggy?

That beautiful little girl, Starbuline, a 16 year old with asperbergers, committed suicide less than a month ago. I knew her.
There is no such thing as a no mess suicide. It reaches out and touches more people than you can imagine.
And the hurt is unbelieveable. the feeling that maybe someone, maybe even I could have stopped her. the what ifs will haunt many of us for the rest of our lives!

Please don't even entertain these thoughts and ideas!! Please try try try to turn to someone, something, to get help. JUST PLAIN DON'T DO THIS! I AM LITERALLY BEGGING YOU!

Well the link I went to was freewebs no advert posting blah blah, nothing about a girl commiting suicide.

Im sorry for your loss baggy :((

Oh my my... You are in that place for sure. I have BP but I dont ever ever feel like that. I have really been wrongly labeled. Which, I complain about a lot on here. However, My dearest friend Mskitty friend since childhood has BP and she goes to that place about every other month. I am here rock.
Once, she came to my house asking me to cut her hair. I was sorta honored. So loving to do that kinda thing she said do whatever I wanted make her different. So taking her seriously.. I wacked and curled and did makeup.. All at the same time she slowly revealed her terrible story about the fight she had had with her husband.. The JERK.
Turns out before she arrived at my house with the scissors in hand she had managed to get her some METH or SPEED. She was talking really fast and starting to panic and I kept her cailm by asking about the hair and telling my life funnys that are always so funny for others to hear but really they are my daily delimas. Anywho, she told me she had gotten a bunch of that speed and had already snorted up 3 lines. This was the first time she ever did it. I was so scared. Turns out her husband had called her fat and ugly. She is well over 300 pounds and that was just the lowest blow ever. After a series of argument they had earlier (over the phone) she flew off the depression deep in. She had planned to come to my house to die. She wanted me to do her hair for the planned Wake and Funeral after having the deep within pleasure of her husband finding out that his insults resulted in her overdosing on a illegal diet drug and have her hair and make up all done for him. You have to give her bonus points for trying but...
I some how managed to get that sad girl all happy. She was getting hyper on that stuff and seeing how pretty her hair was getting and we even took pictures. Then (me very tired but enjoying the time with her) we went to the local Rite Aide Parking lot and waited for the doors to open then get the pictures developed in an hour. She so loved them. She cheered up so dramatically after such a start with a bad evening.

Turns out after the high was gone and she realized just how much hair I had cut and that she would actually have to curl it and fix it daily she was so madd (in a friendly mad way) that she said I would never touch her hair agian. Never fails that when she comes knocking at the door with the scissors in hand I know exactly what to do. I spend hours and hours barley I mean barley trimming her hair making her think I am cutting it all off. There is no change and after the relaxing hair combing and then my traditional French Braid she is all better. She says nobody else can get her out of a funk like I can. That makes me really happy to know. Yet, get this... about 3 weeks ago she went and bought all the stuff for me to perm her hair. She was in a good mood! So we spent a wonderful time inhaling the fumes as I layered her hair, permed then taught her how to fix it herself. She looks awesome. She tells me all her stories of people loving her hair.

I am sure you are like totally done with listening to my stupid story but , I feel much better now telling it. I think the power to get out of the place you are in is in the power of thought. If you get to thinking about all that I just wrote for at least that moment you were not thinking what you was thinking.. does that make since? Write me back on here and I will watch for you. I will tell you many many stories.. Not like this one but real life funny dramas! laugh with me...