Today i completly lost it. AGAIN. I go nuts and i cant seem to control myself. I'm tearing my famly apart. I make them unhappy. I dont take my meds reguraly. Which causes me to be unpradictable. I try to take them but part of me is resistant. I love hating myself. All i seem to think about is how terrible i am. I hate that everytime i even get a bit upset i want to hurtmyself or other. I hate when i get MAD MAD i blackout and usually have the cops on me. I'm sick of the word bipolar. i just want normal problums. Normal anger. I dont want to halosanate. I dont want to be manic and have moodswings from hell. but we cant have it all. I mean i dont want to sound like everythings terrible i just hate relizing that im going to have this for the rest of my life. relazation is a terrible thing. but hey. ok im done with my rant.
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