when my inner pain became to great to handle, I would take a knife from the kitchen and start slicing my arms and legs. Like the sting of paper cuts, it somehow relieved some of my pain. It was very addicting for me. Last time I cut was over a year ago, it was an isolated insident, but my guilt made me fess up to my pdoc. He told me it was perfectly normal, but I always felt ashamed. He adjusted my meds. and I was ok.

Usually people do this when they are young but I started when I was 34, right after something really bad rocked my world. I enjoyed feeling like I was in control of something in my life. The pain brings endorphins (sp?)which give you a short high. My favorite thing was to watch the blood drip on the ground; it was proof of how worthless my life was, falling splat on the dirty ground like garbage, and I could waste it or even take it anytime I want. Don't recommend, since I'm scarred for life now and everytime I see my scars I feel so stupid!

The term is self injury. It is any act that causes self harm.
Cutting,burning, hitting ones head against a wall, etc...
It is a coping skill. Self injury is not suicidal in nature. It is a coping skill. Some people do it in order to feel. Some do it to alleviate pain. To some the sight of blood is enough.

Physically it is a release of endorphines that helps counteract the levels of seratonin and nor epinephrine in the brain. Similar to runners high, prolonged sexual gratification, etc....

SI is obviously not a good expression. Unfortunately it does work from a behavioral standpoint technically. It can also become an addiction.

It is very hard to find other means to cope once you start SI. A lot of times the scars on the outside are a reflection of the emotional and mental scars we feel on the inside. When my scars are red and angry am am self concious. As they fade they are easier to handle.

My arms, particularly my left. Are pocked with burns and lacerations from various implements. I have not SI'd in a month. The last episode occurred under the influence of alcohol. I cut way too deep. Thank god for butterflies.

Hope that was personal enough

ahh yes..the scars, a constant reminder

this makes me feel great,i don't know why but it does,i think for me its the stinging of the cuts that i like the most,hope i don't sound like a freak or anything but that is the best way that i could put it.

It took my mind off of the pain I felt emotionally. It was the thrill of it that numbed me inside. I have burned myself, cut myself, made holes in my skin with nail clippers, and have rubbed salt into the wounds. It was like a high. And seeing all the blood on the floor made me realize that I am someone, too. However, it can be an addiction. And I have horrible scars. I know people look at them and talk about them. I have come up on coworkers talking about it when they didn't realize I was there. I guess that is the price I have to pay for the stupidness of it all.

At different times through out my life I have cut myself,its like your mind goes to this strange place,and you just start cutting.
Theres something about feeling in control for that moment.
And seeing the blood.
Now normally I hate the sight of blood or wounds of any kind.
I am very squeamish, but on the occasions when I cut it's just the opposite.

WOW, that kind of pain seems like more than I could ever imagine. My heart goes out to you all. However,I cant help but wonder if it works. I am not saying that this is a habit I want to pick up but sometimes the emotional pain is so intense that I would do just about anything for it to stop and I have been suicidal on MANY occasions. I don't want to die, I just want to the pain to end.

It work, for the moment. Then I feel really aweful about it the next day when I wake up all sore and swollen.

All of the above is a great description. I do for some of the same reasons... need a break from the overloaded brain... need to feel pain to know that I am alive...

IN all honest I have not told anybody about this.

I started cutting when I lived with my father after I was kicked out of my moms house.
at first I was using x-acto knves but they where getting dull.

then I started to take the blades out of disposable razors they did not stay sharp.

so i stole a package of strait razors from a grocery store.

they worked great.

I would make a deep cut while I was taking a shower and watch the blood flow into the drain.

after people started noticing the cuts on my arm I switched to my upper arm and shoulder area, and my legs.

I would do anything to keep myself from flipping off the deep end, even though it was a bad coping skill it probably saved my life.

Come to think about it I also developed a serious infection and had to be treated with a 4 step rapid antibiotic to get rip of it.

I cut. physical pain is easier to deal with.