This is my firt time posting on any website.... Im 24 years old a secretary/notary at a (mom&pop) Real estate office I have 2 beautiful kids my son 5 and my daugher 4 with one on the way..............I dont want to talk to anyone face to face or any so called friends only because I have no trust and do not want to be judged. This is will be my 3rd baby 3rd pregnancy and in my 3rd Trimester. Ive been know to have anxiety and depression as a teenager... Post partum depression and have cut my wrist and I"m very terrified. In May 20-June 2 of this year I had a mental breakdown and I was institutionalized and diagnosed with severe Depression, Severe anxiety,personality disorder, and PTSD.... They said I was Bipolar II: Hypomanic w/phychosis, I was prescribed depakote seroquel and celexa...... when I was releases I felt better I felt the difference I KNEW everything was gonna get better with me being on my medication... The day I found out I was pregnant I stopped my medication ( I had no choice). I figured with the pregnancy everything was gonna be ok, and now Im here lost. I havent been to work in 2 weeks and havent even called my boss who sees me as a daughter. I've let my house go... I sleep until 4 pm and still have no energy and dont want to do anything I dont want to see any living person, my kids have been living off of cereal, snacks and microwave dinners for the past couple of weeks because I dont wanna cook dinner. I lock myself in my room and tell my babies to stay away from me. I tell my fiance I hate him and try to kick him out daily. I purposely broke my fone so no one can contact me I eat once a day and snack on crackers here and there bc I just dont want to get up I dont care about anything or anyone anymore.....Im scared of my own thoughts..... I dont know what to do..... my babies need their mommy back, my fiance needs his love back, and I need ME back. I dont need my baby to be born into this he needs a mommy not just some lady who gave birth to him....... Any POSITIVE advice or feedback will be greatly appreciated.... and if all you are willing to do is bash my post don't bother commenting...
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