I'm 48..female..diagnosed Bipolarll..I've never spent alot of $, or gone on shopping sprees..never know when I can work. I've been on lots of meds, have read soooo many books on this..constantly researching this..mine is anxiety and depression..I went to a research treatment center outside of Chicago in Aug...they run lots of tests for 'what caused my symptoms amd I'm on vit and amino acids..1 step forward, 2 back..today..total despair..may have to get back on meds, but they have always caused more problems and side effects. I am soo tired of battling this..but have to stay alive for my 19 yr old son..yes, I'm married amd he tries to understand..this is sooo impossible to understand..plus my husbands family has so many problems and are a big stress for me, so that drives the wedge between us too. I've applied for SSI in May or June..don't know how long that will take..wow..$1000/ mth..who could live on that? esp. if my husband leaves me. Here lately..I'm zombie and numb..kindof brain dead. I just sit motionless...I've never tried to take my life, just want the pain to end...feel like if crisis hits..like my 78 yr. old parents die, or iget a divorce..I will totally freak out! I've heard the psych. hosp's are soooo expensive...don't know if they would help or not..don't want to plunge my fam. into debt..we're self-employed, self-insured. I've seen almost every psych. Dr. in town and need to find a new one, my old one that I 've seen for 10 yrs. won't see me again..when I have bad side effects.I stop the meds. My life seems like a bad dream. CAn anyone relate?
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