Take a few deep breaths. Stay on here and respond and read until you get the answers you need. This is a safe place. Just focus here while keeping an eye on your kids at the same time.

I've found NOT DWELLING on my negative thoughts helps a lot...get out there and do something for someone else...give a bum a pack of butts...feed an old dog the leftover bones...go for a walk with the kids and talk with an old person (lots of lonely people in this world) If you can find a way to get out of yourself you'll feel better

My Pdoc told me that when I'm on a FREAK OUT take an antihistime... Just the recommended dose but the kind that makes you kind of sleepy. It relaxes me and then I can kind of go passive a bit. I have to take it when I'm really freaky and will start hitting things and screaming and i'm edgy... anyho that is what my pdoc said to do

Deep breaths don't really help anymore. My kids are safe at their grandparents. I'm actually at work doing this. Oh, and there's another thing. I can't concentrate on anything. I just feel like a complete zombie that's ready to implode on itself. I just wish knew how to control it until I can get "professional" help. I know what they'll say. Let's just talk for awhile and see what happens. I don' want to talk to them though. I'll end up "acting" my way into therapy and not getting any meds. I just need something that will control me.

I want to give you good advice, but what works for me might not work for you.

I will go tie one on. Drink till I pass out, smoke a joint, ANYTHING to survive another day and feel at least a little closer to normal.

Everyone has something that they do that helps em through the down times, its just a matter of finding what it is

If you are concerned that you could do something to harm your kids, then you have to do something immediately. Do you have a relative that could come and stay with you? Or that could take them so you could get to the emergency room?
When is your shrink appt.?
What helped me was reading and learning about BP, taking extra Fish Oil and eating lots of bananas (they have a natural calming effect).
Your profile said you are considering ablify. I'd say go for it, can't make it worse, right?
{{{Hugs}}}B

Have you thought about asking for help from social services or child welfare type people? I get lots of help from them for my son, they have helped with counselling and how to help me deal with my son when I feel they way you do.
Try doing something to forget how you feel, I know it's hard but do something totally unlike you and see how it makes you feel

No, the kids are fine. I would never intentionally hurt them...I have these "zombie" moments where I am so ready to divorce my husband, give him the kids, and vanish. I know I'd never hurt my kids, but myself? yes, been there, done that last night. THAT is how I hurt my kids. I try not to let them see, but ya;ll know how little ones are...curious of all the noise that mom's making. Yes, I've tried the joint before...it just brought me lower than I've ever been. My appointment is not until 12-03-07. What do I do until then?

You don't need to be alone with the kids. Make arrangements for that immediately.

being sick is being sick. that is what it is . what would you do if you were really sick? family help with the kids go to the e.r. the e.r. will give you meds to keep you until you see your own dr.

Call your pdoc and explain you can't wait til December. I hate that you are going through this tough time and you are not alone. I freaked out at work about a week before I quit. I was being really mean and didn't want to be there any more. I hope that you can move your appt up but if not, try a crisis line. It helps to talk to somebody...ANYBODY. Try doing something that you used to love to do, maybe you can get some enjoyment out of it. If you ever want to talk, you can hit me up any time.

You make an appointment sooner... That's what you do. The divorcing and leaving the kids thing... that's escape. You want to escape. We naturally think our environment is what is causing this and we think if we escape it will stop. It is the fight or flight syndrome we all survive by. However, for us flight doesn't do anything for us but carry our problems to a new place. The fish oil was excellent advice, camomille tea is good too. Take the kids or let them go outside... They will get busy playing and you won't have to worry so much. However they are blessed to have a Mom who cares. You may be BP and you may have outbursts but guess what. You are not shooting heroine, or raising them in a MethLab. Some parents are horrible, some parents are really really HORRIBLE! So we all have parents stories... How you handle your outbursts will far outweight the fact that you have outbursts. Get your appointment moved earlier. And again the antihistimines *(sp?) work wonders for me....

ok...call the doc and move the appt up asap. i can work with this. fish oil & antihistamines? I'm willing to try anything. Ya'll don't know how much it means to me that people I don't even know care about me getting thru this. my husband is so standoffish right now and doesn't know what to tell me to do b/c he knows i'll freak. fish oil and antihistamines...does CVS/Wallgreens carry fish oil? how much do i take?

Hey Habrown!
I'm sending you cyber hugs!! :) I know how tough it is to go through this shit - and having children makes it SO much harder. I have a 2 year old, I can only imagine how hard it is with 2 little ones.
I agree with everyone - call Pdoc and insist you see him sooner. I tend to speak on the phone as if it's not as bad as it really is - so receptionist doesn't think I need help NOW. So I have to be direct. "I'm not doing well and I need to get in ASAP!"
I have no experience with antihysthamines, but Fish Oil won't hurt. I take it regularly - it's not going to be a cure all and will take a while to really get into your system. I take 2400mg. per day.
Ultimately, you need to get in to see Pdoc immediately. PLEASE be insistant...tell them what's going on. Remember, part of their job and what they're paid for is for things like this!!!
Best wishes dear!!

read the label on the bottle of fish oil. I have a REAL APOTHECARY I go to for my OTC meds and vitamins. They make it with the good stuff. Tinctures and elxirs hehe!!!!

Anyways just read labels!!!!

By the way St John's Wort and Kava Kava really helped me till I got the REAL stuff from the doc!!!