So, I have always had a really hard time staying in a job. I start out great, but then I start to feel like everyone is watching me, judging me, waiting for me to fail. I start out doing great! I get all my work done, and then some; then 6 months later I only do the bare minimum to get by unnoticed. I am falling into that again, I hate going to work, I don't do anything when I am here, I want another job, but my kids need the stability, I have already been writen up for missing too much work, but I just can't seem to function... and the sad thing is, I know that it is all in my head, but I just can't seem to get away from the paralizing fear that someone is going to notice my odd behavior... I need to get back on my meds, I know that, but I can't miss any more work, so I can't get to a dr. I just don't know what to do anymore, I want to go home and sleep for a very long time!
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I have been here before, a long long time ago and now I am back.Forgive me for not just saying what I want to say,even under a triple dose of antidepressants it is still raw and seeping and I am hesitant at revealing it as at least under the bandages around my heart I don,t have to look at how raw and wounded.My child was cleaved from my heart by his own actions. my child of ten,turning eleven...
theatre and I are there already. I'm having a very berry tea with crackers, cheese and cherry tomatoes and she's having a joint with some beer and we're both on really comfy recliners on thick pile carpet. we need some help with the decor if anyone is around??