If you want to share do you take any meds to help?

Yes. Lamictal and wellbutrin is the latest combo. Doesn't matter; always still me, except a little less so than otherwise.

I have rage also, the only thing that helped was Prozac. I take Lamictal and Klonopin also. Do you know what your rage is from?

Well, I'll admit I have to take klonopin to sleep. I took prozac for many years. New shrink, new pills.

They tell me the rage is my manifestation of the manic phase. I startle easily, I had a rather shocking childhood. I think that is the psychological reason for the rage. Anyway, it is uncontrollable in my experience. The lamictal and avoiding other people does help.

Thank you for asking, by the way.

with ya sister...and if anyone gets too close I'll alienate them too

Well then, sickof, what do we do? People think I am very tough, but actually I find these encounters shattering.

Rage is hurt or anxiety for me afraid of something. First the rage then the guilt. It is a bad cycle.

Yes, right. First I get hurt, startled, sometimes anxious, then the rage. I don't feel guilty so much as ashamed, like when you get drunk (I don't drink) and do something you regret.

The meds help me,exercise and most of all learning to ask people what they actually mean if I feel hurt or like they are attacking me. I have learned to see it both ways.

Checking it out is a good suggestion. I can do that sometimes. More often the transition from hurt to anger is seamless.

If I am being completely honest, I don't know what to do. I keep trying anyway, and I hope that maybe just maybe I'll meet someone that likes me for me.....If I just quit, then, well, I am screwed

Well we endure a lot here. So rage away. It's hard. I know, when you experience one of those moments. I few years ago I had a moment like that on my now husband. Lets face it, he just kept pushing a topic and refused to belive my answer. I totally lost it, started shreiking at the top of my lungs. And here's the fun part, in those moments, I black out. I can hear myself, but I can't see anything.

When you are in those moments you are protecting yourself. A freind should understand what you are dealing with in your life, and reach a hand. My mother too has started political arguments with people, then justified that it's her home so she should be considered right, and she was sober. Big sigh.

You'll get through it. You will make new freinds. People here will identify with you, and you will discover others that have the same issues you have.

Welcome to DS.

I am with you. At the onset of my bp II i had like five codependent relationships just fizzle n me bcs i was not strong enough the be their 'strong one,' which is what they were used to, and they each were not strong enough to be there for me bcs, what i learned, is that they were REALLY never there for me, anyway.

AAARRRGH!

Hang in there, though, please hang in there. It will get better. Trust me. It's already getting better.

Babe, the only friends I have here. Most don't care what you, how you act, or how you dress. There are a few who are so judgmental that they would send everyone to hell if they could. Hang on to the good ones here. They are the ones who truly understands.

Thank you all. Now I am crying. It feels good to be understood. It is hard trying to 'pass for normal' all the time.

Yes, I feel like a white light goes off in my head before I lose my temper like that.

Yep, marriage codependent. Husband full of rage too, but I am the 'identified patient.'