Ok I figured out that I could copy and paste from journal. So now here it isHad a good weekend, I know I was happy all weekend, but I was buzzing around like crazy. Talking too much, driving too fast, doing too many things just so I would keep going and not have time to stop and think. Problem is that even though I was going and going, I was always 3 steps ahead of myself and thinking of what I could do next. Last night was the kicker, after everything slowed down and it was time to go to bed, I could not sleep! Everytime I would close my eyes things would come flying at me. It was weird, it was like someone was throwing stuff at me, but only I could see it. Or like things, images were rushing at me. Cylinder shaped objects, rubics cubes (I don't know) and a clown face, a mean one. I was freaking and I'm telling my husband this at 3am and asking him if he sees these things when he tries to go to sleep sometimes. He said no and I keep saying tell me that you see this. He says no again and I'm going on about how I'm being punished because I saw a clown last month and made a joke when the clown came near me by saying "I'm afraid of clowns", but it was a joke, but I'm thinking I'm being punished because it was mean to say this to the clown and now it has come back to haunt me. Now I know it's morning and everything is in a new light, I know these things were not real and knew it then but it was still hard do understand what was going on and I was getting angry, but is that hallucinating or paranoia? This has happened before and I have never told my husband or my doctor, because I feel like everytime I turn around I am telling them some new wacky thing that's happening to me. I don't know what to do!!! So now I'm at work and sleep deprived. I finally have some work to do here and I can't bring myself to do it. I'm doing it in bits and pieces.
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