I am going to the pdoc tuesday(4 days) and have been waiting for 3 weeks-- i know not a long time but im dieing right now-- i have been self medicating with pot and xanax for the last year or so(all my life if you consider "abuse") and am having such swings that it really scares the hell outa me as to what i might do-- not to my fam but... u know... i am afraid of what i might say to the pdoc-- i want help but we cant afford for me to be hospitalised at this point-- i would lose my job and make everything much much worse than it already is-- i go through such intense happy periods then in an instant--BOOM--- i am crying uncontrollably for no reason or in an intense rage-- how do i tell my pdoc this without getting locked up-- i know i cant lead him to believe that i will kill myself(lots of attempts and scars to prove) or hurt someone else(definite possibility)? i really don't expect anyone to respond-- i guess i just wannted to put something out there maybe itll be therapudic huh.......
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