A big hug and prayers for you. Past is over..look to the present.

that's a tough one. you can't take back what you've already done.. just learn from it and take action to keep it from happening again

I was severly manic in my bipolar state. I drank, recreated in drugs. Had way too many affairs. My wife forgave but not forgot. Have been married 15 years, 2 somehow well adjusted kids. The guilt at one point drove me to a suicide attempt. Also had a problem with self inflicted wounds. It is hard for people to understand sometimes that we can be harder on ourselves than anyone else. For my wife and It was joint counseling in addition to my own therapy. We educated ourselves through NAMI's family to family course. But above all we talked a lot. I tend to overtalk. My wife tends to not talk at all. So it can be difficult for us. On the other extreme the guilt can make us overextend in the other direction. Making us focus so much on our family that we neglect ourselves. This illness is so much about balance. It might be a good idea to have your husband get an account here as well. There are many family members on this site as well. My wife has her own account here. BrandyM on my friends list. Feel free to contact her for a different perspective. Dont be too hard on yourself. Take care.