I am gonna ask for the Prayers. I went to my doc yesterday and he wants me hospitalized. I am on my last trial and error here. He has put me on Depicote and says that i should start feeling some relief in 3 days and if i am not showing signs of improvement in 7 days that i am to drive to Grand Rapids (1 1/2) hours from here and check my self in. I dont know how i feel about that. Part of me wants to just go get it over with, as i am sick of feeling this way and tired of having to have a bbsitter, But part of me doesnt want to leave my kids for that long. Maybe i believe that checking my self in would be admiting that i really am nuts. I dont know, I keep asking God to help me with all the emotions and he just doesnt seem to be getting through, probally all the irrational crap in my head. Is checking into a coo coo's nest really make you nuts? I know that it doesnt but i cant stop thinking that way. I asked yesterday what BP type i am now because the last time i asked which was a year ago i was a type 2 rapid cycler, I was shocked to hear him say that i am showing signs of both 1&2 and i am rapid cycling. This is really scarry, the hardest part i think is that i cant really talk to my husband about it, he is so stressed out about other things that are going on with others in our family and his job, i dont want him to worry about me, but i need his support, its not my best friends job to bbsit me and support me through this. I guess i am feeling a little,NO WAY OVERWELMED. I am all alone right now which i am not supose to be and feeling really scared. I am pissed at my friend as she went out last night and was supose to come back here and sleep so she would be here when my hubby left for work and she didnt (i do realize she does have her own life but she promised she would be here) What do i do?
All alone, nuts and scared
All alone, nuts and scared
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