For about a year now I have been depressed or so I thought. For a couple of months now I have begun to notice that I have really good days and really bad days. Just this weekend I had three good days in a row. I was great I was in the best mood and so glad to be alive. Now at the end of day three I felt a black cloud decend on me and I am sinking deep into this abyss I cannot seem to get away from. I never know from one day to the next what I am going to be. I feel like dying on my bad days. I have panic attacks and have massive thoughts of guilt and feel as though everyone would be better without me around. The good days are so great. I am full of life and energy and am the kind of person I always want to be. I play with my daughter and love my family dearly. The only thing that is bad about the good days is that I dread the bad days. I spoke with a doctor online and I told him what all was going on and he told me to be evaluated for bipolar disorder. My mother has bipolar disorder. I just cannot afford to go to a doctor right now and I need some help. I have had suicidal thoughts but not too seriously, but enough where it freaks me out. Please, if anyone has any idea what is going on with me please help.
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