I can only speak from a failed experience. My 26 year marriage ended 10 years ago mainly from what I look back at as mismanaging my BP.
Hind sight is 20/20 but for me I relied my meds doing all the work, I was inactive too much and I began to think she would be better off without me. Boy was I wrong. It all came true.
My life has been worse and being alone is not a picnic.

I hope this doesn't irritate anyone cuz I have commented about this a lot in other discussions but I've got this book from www.bipolarhappens.com
and I believe it can work for couples. Of course it would take a willing partner.
Good Luck!

I was married for 24 years up until 2005. My ex was an alcoholic in the latter part of our marriage so that in itself was a strain on our relationship. I'm so glad to be living alone as it's the best situation for me since I'm able to set my own pace in my own space. Also, my husband's alcoholism was stressing me out to the point where I could barely cope. Had several hospitalizations during that time.
BD is a difficult illness to manage in any case, as we know all too well. One of the things that a person with BD must have is the ability to be flexible where they can take care of their basic needs as that is so important to our stability.
The moods caused by our illness, and the medications with their varying side effects, have a great impact on us where sometimes we don't sleep at regular times. Or maybe we get so stressed that we need to get more sleep etc etc.. you know basic stuff.
Having a mate means that you have to consider the other person's schedule. What they do in 'your' space makes a huge difference. Living with someone is a compromise. In the case of someone with BD, those little differences we have with our partners can affect us to much greater degrees. Especially when they cause us to be out of sync with our basic needs. Little things can become huge monsters. Then there's the situation where they may see us in a whole different light knowing we have a mental disorder.
Sometimes they even abuse us because of it... verbally or in other ways.
Sorry to ramble so much but I just want to reiterate how happy and healthy I am being single. I have not been hospitalized since I've been on my own. I hope something I've said may have helped.
Good Luck with everything.

My relationship of 7 years is now over because I didn't know how to 'manage' my disorder. People need to know what to do when we are non-funtioning and can't do anything about it. I sent you an article I hope will help.
My daughter recently told me that she might limit my access to grandchildren if I don't get better. Thank god she doesn't have any yet. We're powerless over others. The most constructive thing you can do is research BP and do your best to comply with recommendations and your med schedule. I'm sorry you're having so much difficulty.
peace, t

There is a lot of grief and anger felt by partners of people with BP as they think they have "lost" their loved ones to a horrible disease they don't understand. For example I was once a trim, do it all Mom who coped with everything but it all changed and now some days I can't get off the sofa with depression so my husband has to pick up the slack of child care and running the house which in itself is stressful. Education is key in bipolar for both the patient and the loved ones. Allowing him to express his anger and frustration in a safe place is another. The ultimate goal is to get into couple's therapy with a tdoc well versed in BP. I have been married for 17 years and my husband says he's in the relationship for the long term

Hi Gidgett,
My situation is very similar to ComputerBob's. I do know how difficult it is when you aren't stable on meds. But, if you can get there, therapy, working on your marriage and trying to educate your husband will be easier to do. Meds alone will not improve our situation.
In the meantime, maybe trying ComputerBob's suggested book could help? Or, is there a way he could come to DS and read posts showing that it's not just you - that it really is a chemical imbalance?
I hope some of our suggestions can help in some way. Keep asking questions and reaching out. I pray that soon he will understand that it isn't you...it's BP.

similar to the other posts, I had a relationship crumble under me before I was diagnosed.

In looking back I certainly had my part in it, but it takes two in a relationship, not just one.

Unfortunately, some people look at bipolar as not a real dysfunction.Shoot sometimes I forget I have it, but not for long.

I think relationships can and do happen, its the work to make the changes that is so hard.

MAybe one day I'll be capable. I sure hope so

Could you go into couples counselling that might help him deal with the anger and distress he feels also it makes you proactive in saving the marriage

Thanks Computerb appreciate what you say I am 23 years in ?

Sometimes feel that like should be with like cos feel like fish up a tree most times

my ex bought a book called "loving somebody with bipolar" , i thought it was a great book , my ex found it really hard to understand especially as i was mainly manic and very productive , i held down 4 jobs looked after chloe , and the house as if it was a complete doddle and was always plannin something , but when i went the other way , my ex took it hard , mainly because the house was upside down , i couldnt go to work , n was cryin down the fone to him constantly cause i couldnt cope with the kids , n he couldnt do all the things he was used to me doing , so i think he started to resent me for a while n we split up , but he didnt take the time to read the book , n its just over a year since we split n believe it or not he decided to read the book , and we have been gettin on really well the last couple of months as he has actually been able to understand the way i have acted in the last few years , he been on here too , readin through things , which i found quite amusin as he keep callin me to come n read things that sounded just like me , i think i started to resent him before we split for not bein able to hold everything together for me , i felt he didnt love me enough , but to be honest he really didnt understand what i was going through , n now keeps apoligisin for things he felt he should have done but didnt , i think cause they cant see whats wrong with you , as in your not pysically ill , they find it hard to understand why you cant get out of bed n want to hid away from the world , he needs to find out as much as possible bout bp n so do you , n together as you understand it more hopefully you'll be able to work out a way for you to deal with it as a team xx i hope this hasnt just been a big long garble n with be of even a little help xx lots of love honey xx