I had a good day till I got home from shopping and lunch. I found the letter from SSI I was waiting for since my hearing in June. It was a denial letter. I have been fighting since 2001 on and off because I have not been able to hold a job since I turned 18. I am now 29. The judge used my non compliance to recommended treatments, medications etc as a reason along with my criminal record saying my testimony is can not be used as credible because the way I manipulated people. So the vocational experts testimony in my favor did not decide this case at all. I was on my last string when I applied again and got a lawyer. I am at the end of that string right now. I wonder what will become of my life not being able to support myself having to depend on other people. I don't think I can do it anymore. It is not fair. I have used enough people in my life. I now have to stay with a husband I was in hopes of leaving once I was able to support myself. Again no insurance... That is what I was really hoping for was at least that. I suffer from illness that requires me to be on antibiotics at least one time a month and in need of a 40 thousand dollar surgery... I feel like I want to go down to the Judges office and pull the fucking trigger.
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I have been here before, a long long time ago and now I am back.Forgive me for not just saying what I want to say,even under a triple dose of antidepressants it is still raw and seeping and I am hesitant at revealing it as at least under the bandages around my heart I don,t have to look at how raw and wounded.My child was cleaved from my heart by his own actions. my child of ten,turning eleven...
theatre and I are there already. I'm having a very berry tea with crackers, cheese and cherry tomatoes and she's having a joint with some beer and we're both on really comfy recliners on thick pile carpet. we need some help with the decor if anyone is around??