Be honest with your daughter. perhaps you could just go round for an hour or something, a compromise...

too many people are mean. very evil world.show sincere generosity and kindness towards anyone you can and don't expect it to come back. that's the way it is.

I have been honest, many, many times. I don't want to see my daughter for an hour or so on Christmas! I'm her mother and I want to be the one who stays and make them leave. However, in the long run if she insists on ruining my Christmas I will go for short while. We used to alternate Christmas Eve and Christmas day and I think that was good resolution.

I think that's asking a lot of you, you need to look after you. It sounds like it be really uncomfortable for everyone.

Another thought. What if this becomes the ritual? I have 1 hour on Christmas day and they have the rest? That's not fair to me since I'm the one who buys all the presents. I understand what's best for baby but I hate these people!

maybe there could be a split mix of the day... say morning breakfast with grandma and the family and santa stuff and then afternoon with granpa. Or like my family does with my son... either I get him cristmas eve and his dad christmas day or the reverse. Depending on plans. That has worked well for 14 years. Now I know as grandparents its a tad different but the same rules still apply... how can you be merry with the person you dislike enjoying your gandbaby... it would piss me off to see the new wife playing and having a relationship with my grandbaby (if I had one). selfish but a reality. Just let your daughter know that you truely support her with her relationship with her dad and even her new step mom and that you dont want to bring tension into the house... tell her maybe in time but just not yet.

and then ask to find a comprimise... christmas festivities can extend all throught out the day... new baby means new traditions... now is the time to make them ;p

Thank you Lou. They are into public displays of affection too!Sickening. Meanwhile I'm living with my mother and have since been diagnosed with bp which in my family means nuts!

just to add to my post after ready replies while I typed ;p

you could split the main day... could you spend the night befor and help with santas cookies then be there when she wakes up??? stay to 1 or 2 the next day then have breakfast and santa gifts... then feel complete for the day with your daughter... then have grandpa show up say 2 ish have 'family gifts' and they could have supper??? ZTHey day doesnt have to be a short one just an altered thinking about which time is most important.... Also 2 christmases could be a good thing... why does christmas only have to be 1 day? Santa could have come to grandmas house the day befor or the day after.... you might have to get creative and go all out decorating... after all its the spirit not the date

Yes Buggy, that sounds more reasonable. We will have to split the day. On babies birthday we did that.

For the record... and you can tell your daughter this if she would listen... my son is 14 and his father and I have NEVER shared a family holiday together... neither have our extended family... my mom and his mom (both grandmas) have had maybe 6 converstaions lasting more then 2 minutes his entire life. The two sides of the family dont have to be connect to have a 'complete' holiday or life... as long as the transistion between the two is smooth... as long as if in passing you all are cival and hold your toungs about the others faults then its all good... My son loves holidays cause it means 2 (or 3) of everything...

buggy's idea is similar to our family tradition. We 9 my children and hubby) wake up and have christmas together, then we go to grannys for brunch if that's what you want to call it. but i like the idea of staying the night before helping get ready for santa, cookies and milk along with a few stories that sounds more ideal.Hey and you can be out of there by the time THEY get there.

Thanks everyone. I appreciate it. I'll do the morning thing. I can't spend the night because my other daughter and her boyfriend take the spare bedroom and other bedroom in home entertainment theater. So no room. But I can get there at 6am and watch her open her presents!
Good ideas.

Why can't you alternate every xmas eve and xmas day anymore? That is the American difunctional family tradition.

If it's gonna affect you and send you on a downer like the ones you have gotten in the past....is it worth it ?
If I were you , I wouldn't go.

There are other methods of keeping peace and love within the family without letting it eat at you.
Jeez, you'll be worried avery day till Xmas.
That's not fair on you more than anyone else.

Gracously accept. then either dont show blame bp or call 10 minutes after event starts and beg off.