Speaking as a woman ,and with experiences talking with women.
Women usally with hold sex for some of these reasons.
ANGER
ANGER
ANGER
Is she willing to try marriage therapy?
It's about the only thing at this point that MAY save your marriage.
Good luck

She is not ready or willing to consider therapy until I am stable. I am working so hard on my issues, seeing a psycologist once a week, my psychatrist when he wants and taking and staying on my medication. I have taken complete responsbility for my actions and have apologized for my actions along with asking for forgivness. All I hear from my wife is that it is to soon and I am not stable enough to try therapy yet.
I do not know if we will be able to put this marriage back together but I don't want to do anything else that will end the marriage. Having sex with another woman would be the end of the marriage for sure.

Thanks again for any advice.

Ron

Why is it that all men ever think about is sex??

I understand your reply padsmom, but it is not the lack of sex that is causing my lonliness, I am missing being held and loved. I miss my wife and family so much it hurts. I am worried that I will go out and look for someone to help me relieve my lonliness and with the hyper sex drive I have I know where it would lead. Just like I know if I picked up a cigarette (I quit August 2, 2003) or a joint (I quit pot 11 days ago) I would be right back to smoking and smoking pot again. I don't neccesarrily want sex but I do want to be loved and held.
Thanks for your answer

Ron

I know that loneliness can be tough, especially the physical kind. But my advice would be to guard yourself at all costs. I became lonely, then angry, thenattracted to someone other than my husband. I had an affair. It has completely changed my world and my family. I wish I could turn back time. I know it is so hard, especially if you are hypersexual, but believe me, an affair is not worth it. I hope that you can find a way to ease your loneliness. I truly feel for you.

Hi, rockinron1107!!!
Once trust has been breached, it is a long, hard struggle to get it back.
My heart goes out to you (I'm very hypersexual, too) and loneliness is an absloutely horrible feeling.
I don't think there's an easy answer or fix for how you're feeling right now.
I think it would be so much easier for you to take a pass on looking elsewhere for sexual gratification, if only you could be sure that you and your wife WILL get back together, at some future point.
Can you have such a discussion with your wife? Not about the sexual aspect, but just about the possibility of you two ultimately getting back together? Is there a real chance of it coming to be?
Even if it's not, try your best to keep your eye on the prize!! What you would be looking for in another relationship would be an empty substitution for what you really want. On a purely sexual level, it would be a very momentary pleasure that would leave you feeling worse than you already do.
And if any sexual behavior on your part led to the current state of affairs, you're wife may very well be waiting to see if you can be trusted in this area.
Good luck. I truly feel sorry for what you are going through now and hope that you and your wife can find your way back to each other!!!!

Ron, does she have any understanding about your BiPolar?

Carla, I have tried to talk to my wife about our future but the response I get is "You are pushing me for an answer and if I had to answer now the answer is no to getting back together" I have backed off but continue to let her know that I want to stay married and I love her (she will not say she loves me back). The reason for the seperation has nothing to do with cheating but my refusal to seek treatment or find out what was wrong with me besides the ADHD. I was so afraid to deal with my childhood, alcholic mother, father that worked all the time, mom was a mean drunk and beat my sister and I for any reason and no reason. The pot was a big problem financially. I was afraid of being labeled with a mental illness and even more afraid to face my past and my inner demons. I am not sleeping, have lost 20 pounds in a little of 2 months, quit smoking pot (11 days now), I have been going to a psychologist once a week since the seperation and was diagnosed bi-polar a little over 3 weeks ago. I have started on Lamictal and plan on continuing. I am so afraid of my lonliness leading to me seeking companionship outside my marriage. I am living with my father for now but that is not going to last much longer so even more financial problems will come with a move. I do not want to give in to my sexual desires but am weakening every day especially with no positive response to me pouring my heart out to my wife via email and talking, all I get is she is happy I am working on myself and how much money did I deposit for the bills, I have been blessed to have been able to pay down our outstanding debts by a huge amount over the last few months because at least work has been going well. Thanks for your response.

Ron

Mackula makes a very good point. When I even imagine that my husband is withholding affection I go absolutely nutty. If she's not ready to go to therapy with you maybe she should go by herself...

Whoa wait a minute....does your wife know...or do you even know....you may never be able to reach a lasting stability?
It's kinda like alcoholics ANNON.
You attend the meetings to help you towards the GOAL of sobriety(in your case stability).If she says she's going to wait untill you are stable...well,that could be a long time.Some of us here on this board have struggled 5 years-up to 10 years with trying to find the right meds to stabilize us.
You and your wife...if ,you are going to make it as a family...must ATTACK(and I mean attack!)your bipolar disorder together..HEAD ON TOGETHER!If she won't go to marriage counsuling..ask her to go with you to see your Pdoc..maybe your Pdoc can outline to her clearly what the two of you have to face.If she's not willing to particapate in your treatment......I think you are in for some hard times bro!

mackula, I believe she does but she is so relieved to not be walking on egg shells anymore and has taken on so much more responsibility around the house, work, our son, and her education there is little time for anything else. I bought a great book about Bi-polar read it and tried to pass it on to her but she says I should keep it for reference and she doesn't have time to read it.
I get one sentence responses to long emails where I pour my heart out. I have taken full responsibility for my actions only using the Bi-polar as an explanation for a reason why these outburst and anger happened. All I hear is it is too soon and she needs time. I am so fucking confused and lonley, she had and has her mother to confide in and I have no one at least until I found you guys :) Thanks for your concern and help.

Ron

Ron, I feel for you man. Really I do. I'm not sure what to say. All you can do is try to fix one problem at a time. You need to try to work on getting yourself better. Before you can try to repair your marriage. I know that it is hard to hear right now. I struggle with this too. But I know I have to get better before I can take on any other struggles. Sometimes you have to lose a few battles to win a war. Cheesy to say, but true. Give the meds some time, write your thoughts down in your journal or on paper. Maybe give your wife some space.