hi first off I know everyone is different and a support group can’t diagnose me. I have a problem I’m not sure if I have one thing or many.
So growing up I was brutally bullied in school. This sounds weird but Since about 3rd grade I kinda created a fantasy in my head, it started with me thinking I was a horse, or a lion, then as I got older it was stuff like I’m a famous musician, actor. I’ve made out with my wall pretending it was someone. I made up everything in my head all the way until about a year ago when between college, school, and being with my fiancé took its place. I slip back into the fantasy sometimes but not as often. Idk if that counts as being dissociative.
But im posting in the bipolar group because I think my problems fit the symptoms and for years I’ve called it anxiety and depression. Since sixteen I did really risky things such as messaging much older men online, that increased to actually meeting upwards to 50 or 60 men between 18-21. I’ve been raped twice as a result of what I did. I’m about to turn 23 and I stopped the random meetings when I got serious with my on off boyfriend now fiancé.
So I know risk taking is a characteristic but on the psychological side. I have extreme mood swings, when I have a breakdown I don’t feel pain and Tuesday December 5th was the one that put me in the er. It started at work when the depressed feeling came on then I cut myself didn’t realize how deep it was until a half hour later when the pain came and I saw all the blood down my leg, then that night my fiancé ask me why I didn’t stop at the store and I broke down crying and he had to take my keys because I took off running towards my car, I don’t remember doing that or smashing my iPhone. The breakdowns are coming closer together than they ever been since November I’ve had 4 and one took me to the hospital.
but I have days where I’m confident and feel great. But it’s very intense up and down and As from my post I have an out of control sex drive... I’ve been trying to control that.
Right now I’m kinda in between happy and depressed, I feel numb but I’m aware...
I’m not sure if that to readers sound like bipolar. I hope someone has similar things as I do
Thanks to everyone that posted and replied. It is supportive and needed.I have a question for the board (from my pervious post)… How do you live with Bipolar? I know this a rather broad and all-encompassing question, but this is one that I am struggling with daily. I have my drug cocktail just about dialed in, do you ever have any hypomanic phases? I am depressed quite a bit, but it is...
I have been flying for over a week, spending a fortune on crap i do not need, even buying a few things twice because i forgot i had just bought them. luckily i stayed in the house most of the time although the dog must have thought i had lost my mind. the crash started on Friday and is getting steadily worse - suicidal ideation is back after my first break from it for years. It is always worse...