hi first off I know everyone is different and a support group can’t diagnose me. I have a problem I’m not sure if I have one thing or many.
So growing up I was brutally bullied in school. This sounds weird but Since about 3rd grade I kinda created a fantasy in my head, it started with me thinking I was a horse, or a lion, then as I got older it was stuff like I’m a famous musician, actor. I’ve made out with my wall pretending it was someone. I made up everything in my head all the way until about a year ago when between college, school, and being with my fiancé took its place. I slip back into the fantasy sometimes but not as often. Idk if that counts as being dissociative.
But im posting in the bipolar group because I think my problems fit the symptoms and for years I’ve called it anxiety and depression. Since sixteen I did really risky things such as messaging much older men online, that increased to actually meeting upwards to 50 or 60 men between 18-21. I’ve been raped twice as a result of what I did. I’m about to turn 23 and I stopped the random meetings when I got serious with my on off boyfriend now fiancé.
So I know risk taking is a characteristic but on the psychological side. I have extreme mood swings, when I have a breakdown I don’t feel pain and Tuesday December 5th was the one that put me in the er. It started at work when the depressed feeling came on then I cut myself didn’t realize how deep it was until a half hour later when the pain came and I saw all the blood down my leg, then that night my fiancé ask me why I didn’t stop at the store and I broke down crying and he had to take my keys because I took off running towards my car, I don’t remember doing that or smashing my iPhone. The breakdowns are coming closer together than they ever been since November I’ve had 4 and one took me to the hospital.
but I have days where I’m confident and feel great. But it’s very intense up and down and As from my post I have an out of control sex drive... I’ve been trying to control that.
Right now I’m kinda in between happy and depressed, I feel numb but I’m aware...
I’m not sure if that to readers sound like bipolar. I hope someone has similar things as I do
i think I am going to go to the ER. I am shaking very bad and I’m having a hard time breathing. I feel like I’m dying
I'm pretty sure my fiance is bi polar. I feel so lost when he is manic bc it gets really bad for me with verbal outlash. Once he comes down he will apologise and feels really bad. Idk what to do. Please help me.