I'm sorry for you. Sometimes parents get caught up in things and since thier children are adults don't realize they still need adult parenting. We are all here for you. Don't let it keep you down acceptance is the key.

Okay, so you probably don't want to hear from someone with my name here...someone who quit work/life to drag my BP teenager through these years..but since noone else has responded..you're stuck with me.

Sounds like you have good reason to be so hurt and angry. It always amazes me that you gotta go to school and get a license to drive a car, but they'll let anyone have a baby and become "a parent". And a parent's commitment doesn't end with the kids independence.

ANyway, have you made it clear that you'd like to see you're Dad more often? Have you tried inviting him over or out to do something fun. Or try saying you'll go with him some place he is going anyway? Is he uncomfortable around you or just not a good initiator.
I'm sorry, I'm not much help. It sucks to have parent's who can't support us...no matter what age we are. Maybe the best idea is to create a new "family" of friends who can.

With all due respect, by BF is a realtor and he would never be able to just stop by and visit people while out showing houses with clients, regardless of how close by you are. That is just bad business, and it's tacky. So I wouldn't blame him for that. Football is just his coping mechanism I'm guessing. The best thing I would say is to sit down and talk to them. Make definite plans with for dinner or something. Some people just don't know how to act, and don't know what you need. Sometimes we have to spell it out for them.

Gimme, you really do not understand my situation.

My Father picked-up his clients and dropped them off

If my Father can make an appointment with himself to go see a football game and if he can make an appointment to make money for himself, he is a big boy enough to make an appnt to see his daughter.

But, that is not who he is. He never has been. And that is what hurts me. And I am just venting and looking for support for me, not support for him.

I am looking for support for me.

I get that, I'm sorry but from an outside point of view, some people realize and know what they need, and don't realize what others are going through around them. Maybe I don't get it and I'm sorry for that, but I do agree with the others that if you don't say something to them about this, nothing is going to happen.

i feel for you though. my father had severe BP and self medicated in front of me and my sister (at 12 years old) every day. He would pass out all day, and we aould have to wait until my mother came home from work. Talk about unavailable. I had to raise my sister becasue he was to buzzed or high to care.

If it makes you feel better, I have an aunt that lives down the street from my house. in the same town, literally withing a 10 minute walking distance, and she says we live too far to come over and see us. She is just weird though.

When i say something he goes into denial so i am learning to just accept things the way they are.

It's easier to talk to people who are famliar with narcissistic people and how they act. With narcissists, they cannot be wrong.

I have to change, not him.

Sammy you said it perfectly, he cant and wont change, he has always been like this.As much as you would like him to or wish he were different, he isnt and NEVER will be. You are doing the right thing trying to work through it. You have to make some tough decisions. You can love them but you dont have to be miserable because of them. You know he wont change so lower your expectations of him, he wont ever satisfy them. Focus on yourself and making friends that love you and support you. It is heartbreaking your father is that way, but you can develope a new family that will visit you and support you. I havent heard you mention your mother, is she a positive influence in your life? You are right in your post when you say you have to work on your relationship with yourself. If you love and understand yourself and work to be the best you can be, you will be happy no matter what your father does or doesnt do. Another thought would be not to let him make you something you arent. You can continue to reach out to him and be kind to him without expecting the same in return. I have done it all my life and it enhances who I am as a person. When I see people are not responding the way I might want them to, I lower my expectations of them so I dont feel hurt when they dont fulfill my expectations.

Hi, SammySue!!!
You're getting there!! You already realize that they are incapable of being and/or giving you what you want!!!
You're now in the 'pissed at myself for still being hurt by it' phase!!
It's very hard working through this situation, but it can be done. And once you manage to do it, you'll be in a much better place.
Try to remind yourself that even the being mad at yourself for not feeling the way your head knows is appropriate, is a sign that you are getting there!!
Good luck. Once you finally DO get to that point, it will be so much better!!!
Take care!!!

Hey I am with you 100%. But a old friend had said to me a couple of days ago.Michelle you have to live for you to get threw this if you keep on living for them you will never get threw it. So I took her advice and told both parents how I felt and man did it feel good. Yes they still talk to me But I will not talk to them about me or what I am going threw. I have to stay positive and they atleast my mom is really negative. ANd trust me I am living life for me not anyone else and it feels soooo good.

Turning to G*d is a good thing. Parenting is difficult & people should have a license to have kids. Most parents figure by the time their kids are 20/21, they are On their Own. My parents kept hovering over me for far too long. I had to move 5 states away to keep them from checking on me every day. That's the other end of the Pendulum! It took a lot of work but now my parents accept that I don't need coddling & we can talk about something other than my problems. Like Golf, which is my father's passion. And cooking (which I hate) which is my Mom's first love.

Im sorry you're feeling so alone. I can't understand a parent not wanting to see their or trying to understand and be supportive. I wish you well..... hugs