I am having so much of a hard time with this GUILT related to my mother's death. I was the one that found her dead and administered CPR but she was already passed on. Today in therapy group we were talking about feelings and our drug addictions. I am struggling with my feelings about everything. My mother was abusive the first part of my early childhood and I was afraid of her for a long time. She stopped beating me at age 12. Then her sickness went downhill. No one knew she was dying even me. I had to drag my mother to the floor and give CPR. that is very unfair for a 16 year old to do especially when our family doctor told me she knew she was dying. my mom left this world with a lot of unfinished business with not just me but a lot of people. But most of all I am feeling angry because she left me in this world alone, with a no good, sexually abusive pervert of a father, and I'm just feeling angry about that today. She left me when she should have protected me. I have no one to go to that is even remotely like a mother. I have tried replacing her, but they ended up hurting me worse because their love was conditional. A mother's love is unconditional. Why do I miss her so much, yet be so angry at her!
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